Grouperism

Grouper's New Shades

2011-07-08T11:09:00.001-07:00

"I'm not the kind of guy who dresses like a king/And a really fine pair of shades means everything." -- Iggy Pop

P.S. If, dear Reader, you would like get to know Sri Guru Grouper better, send him a friend request on FACEBOOK, where he posts stuff daily.

P.P.S. "Fish don't carry guns." -- Philip K. Dick

Evan Dando Poster

2011-06-23T09:43:00.000-07:00

"I like Evan Dando's music, & I like this poster." -- The Grouper

R.I.P. Gil Scott Heron

2011-06-18T09:54:00.000-07:00

The late Gil Scott Heron speaks the truth about Grouper's former hometown. R.I.P. brutha.

P.S. The Grouper still resides in Shenzhen, South China. The PRC govt. continues to block access to this blog from inside China. Fascists.

Whole Lotta Sex Machine

2011-06-17T09:50:00.000-07:00

"This video mash-up slays me." -- DJ Grouper

Princess Yuki

2011-06-15T10:03:00.000-07:00

Princess Yuki was mine for several years until things got desperate & ugly within the realm & I had to flee in the cold October rain with only the clothes on my back in order to save my life. I begged her to come with me for I loved her so, but she refused. Filial piety was her religion. She owed her parents everything, she said, & their ghosts would follow her no matter how far away from the palace she ran. It was her duty, she insisted, to burn incense & put tangerines & fresh flowers each morning inside the shrine which contained her mother's & her father's ashes even if this meant that we would never see each other again. As I shuffled aimlessly around the world in the lonely years that followed, the sound of her wail of sorrow about the way things had to be never ceased to echo within my mind...

Zhuangzhi (Master Chuang), Taoist Philosopher/Chinese Epistemologist (circa 369-286 BCE) on the Death of His Wife

2010-10-10T10:24:00.000-07:00

When Zhuangzi's wife died and Hui Shi came to convey his condolences, he found Zhuangzi squatting with his knees out, drumming on a pan and singing ''You lived with her she raised your children, and you grew old together, Hui Shi said "Not weeping when she died would have been bad enough. Aren't you going too far by drurnming on a pan and singing ?'

"No," Zhuangzi said, "when she first died how could I have escaped feeling the loss? Then I looked back to the beginning before she had life Not only before she had life but before she had form. Not only before she had form, but before she had vital energy. In this confused amorphous realm, something changed and vital energy appeared,- when the vital energy was changed, form appeared; with changes in form, life began. Now there is another change bringing death This is like the progression of the four seasons of spring and fall, winter and summer. Here she was lying down to sleep in a huge room and I followed her sobbing and wailing. When I realized my actions showed I hadn't understood destiny, I stopped."

A Strong Economy Produces Big, Inflatable Children

2010-10-03T02:39:00.001-07:00

The Grouper is alive & well & still living in Nanshan district, Shenzhen, Guangdong province, China. He took this photo in his neighborhood yesterday.

Sinister, isn't it?

2010-03-13T10:08:00.000-08:00

Q: What do the following people all have in common?

Leonardo da Vinci, Michelangelo, Alexander the Great, Julius Caesar, Pablo Picasso, Babe Ruth, Arnold Palmer, Mark Spitz, Jimmy Conors, Martina Navratilova, Diego Maradona, Pele, Cary Grant, W.C. Fields, Steve McQueen, Charlie Chaplin, Fred Astaire, Tom Cruise, Robert DeNiro, Sylvester Stallone, Bruce Willis, Jim Carrey, Judy Garland, Greta Garbo, Marilyn Monroe, Julia Roberts, Angelina Jolie, Nicole Kidman, Demi Moore, Bob Dylan, Jimi Hendrix, Sir Paul McCartney, Ringo Starr, Sting, David Bowie, Paul Simon, Emimen, Celine Dion, Bill Gates, J. Edgar Hoover, Mark Twain, H.G. Wells, Lewis Carroll, Neil Armstrong, Buzz Aldrin, Robert Redford, Queen Victoria, John F. Kennedy, Gerald Ford, Ronald Reagan, Bill Clinton, Barack Obama, Winston Churchill (disputed), Napoleon Bonaparte, Ludwig van Beethoven, Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart, Albert Einstein, Mark Crawford.

A: They were/are all left-handed.

Sinister, isn't it?

The Grouper on "Crazy Heart" (2009)

2010-02-28T19:32:00.000-08:00

You’ve probably heard/read a lot about this 2009 film & what a great performance Jeff Bridges gives as Bad Blake, a 57-year-old, alcoholic, former C&W music star who drives around the southwestern USA by himself playing his old hits with pick-up bands in bowling alleys & small bars. Bridges is, indeed, very convincing as this character, & the music – mainly composed by T-Bone Burnett – is pretty good. It’s also nice to see Robert Duvall step in & play his avuncular self. And who knew that Colin Farrell, an Irishman, could sing C&W tunes so well? But, in the end, this film just seems like a promo for putting the plug in the jug & joining AA. I’m not saying that there is anything wrong with the film’s basic message of “adapt, yield to change, save yourself, or die” – I’m working on this my own life -- but Crazy Heart just doesn’t compete against The Wrestler, a similar tale (but with a different ending), for dramatic impact. I mean, I’ve watched The Wrestler 3-4 times now, but I doubt that I will watch Crazy Heart again.

Spicy Chinese Seafood Under Banyan Tree

2010-02-27T19:41:00.000-08:00

This restaurant in Nanshan district, Shenzhen is flanked left & right by similar restaurants

Spicy clams

Spicy eggplant

Barbecued oysters Shenzhen-style

Deep-fried shrimp on a stick covered with peanuts & chilis

Many streets in Shenzhen are lined with banyan trees

Last night, a local friend & I had a spicy Chinese seafood dinner under a banyan tree. This foodporn got some good feedback on FACEBOOK, so I thought that I would post the photos here as well. Be careful not to salivate too much on your keyboard...

Grouper Buys New T-Shirt

2010-02-20T08:50:00.001-08:00

Sawadee khap from 9 degrees 30 mins. N, 100 degrees 0 mins. E

The Grouper has not only been photographing t-shirts in Thailand; he actually broke down & bought one. Cheers.

Greetings from Lamai Beach, Koh Samui

2010-02-20T08:43:00.000-08:00

The Grouper has been on a holiday in the sun @ The Aloha Resort on Lamai Beach on Koh Samui in the Gulf of Thailand since Feb. 12. He has been posting lots of photos on FACEBOOK as well as a lot of cool links + some half-baked writing. He shot the above video from the Moana seaside restaurant of The Aloha on Feb. 18. Peace out.

The Grouper on Super Bowl 44

2010-02-08T14:53:00.000-08:00

What's left of The Who @ Super Bowl 44

Getting a free live video stream of Super Bowl 44 here in China yesterday morning was a bitch. In fact, after Justin.tv's stream got shut down, it was impossible. So, I missed the game.

I did, however, watch The Who's half-time performance on YouTube as soon as it got posted there. Pete Townshend looked ridiculous. Roger Daltry was hoarse. I guess Moon & Entwhistle are still dead. The 5-song medley was just a promo for The Who's latest greatest hits 2-CD set.

Now, I'm not saying that I want the Super Bowl Half-Time Show to go back to university marching bands or Up With Shiny, Happy People 'cause I don't. I thought that the Rolling Stones were terrific back in 2006. Tom Petty & the Heartbreakers were even better back in 2008. However, The Who were lame, embarrassingly over-the-hill Brits singin' about pinball wizards in the middle of the biggest American football game of the year, which is stupid, so stop it!

During next year's Super Bowl Half-Time Show, I want to see LCD Soundsystem doing "North American Scum," or, if we must have a British band, I vote for Motorhead or The Fall!

P.S. I'm glad that I didn't bet on The Colts.

Shekou Sea World Gets Dressed Up for Chinese New Year

2010-02-06T05:20:00.000-08:00

Like the rest of China, Shekou Sea World is getting dressed up for Chinese New Year & is now festooned with red lanterns. A Dunkin' Donuts shop has recently opened for business there, too.

Homeless Man Calls Grouper a Dog Fart

2010-02-06T04:47:00.001-08:00

Sichuan beef w/ onions

Kong bao ji ding (diced chicken w/ peanuts)

Chi Duo Duo (soft Chips Ahoy), relatively new in China

On the way home from dinner last night (see photos above), I passed a homeless man lying on the sidewalk, hopelessly drunk. He said something incomprehensible to me in Chinese, so I responded by smiling & saying, "Cheers!" He then sat up & shouted "GOU PI! (DOG FART!)" at me. It was the highlight of my day.

Yokozuna Asashoryu Retires from Grand Sumo

2010-02-05T09:42:00.001-08:00

Yokozuna (grand champion) Asashoryu waves goodbye

Out of gratitude for his retirement from grand sumo, the Japan Sumo Association has given yokozuna (grand champion) & "troublemaker" Asashoryu a new Toyota Prius. "Thanks for the Toyota," Asashoryu responded, "But I'm going back to Mongolia to my harem & my horse."

Toyota Renames the Camry

2010-02-05T05:32:00.000-08:00

Toyota Motor Corp. President Akio Toyoda announced today that the automaker will rename its top-selling model the Camry "the Kevorkian" in an attempt to diffuse the public relations disaster stemming from having to recall over 7 million vehicles worldwide because they have accelerators which stick & turn them into suicide machines. "Suicide popular in Japan," said Toyoda. " Many Japanese do. Great American doctor Jack Kevorkian understand. But many American cannot. They want to drive with caution. So, we change model name. We are very sorry. We want to increase the product." So far, only the Hemlock Society has voiced approval of Toyota's move.

Panda of the Month

2010-02-03T12:45:00.000-08:00

Grouperism's Panda of the Month for Feb. 2010: Like a lot of us, young Yun Zi is out on a limb trying hard to hang on.

New SUBWAY Sandwich Shop in Grouper's Neighborhood

2010-02-03T12:04:00.000-08:00

Kempinski Hotel, Nanshan district, Shenzhen.

New SUBWAY Sandwich Shop, 2F, Area A (Shenzhen Bay Street), Poly Cultural Centre, Wen Xin 5 Road, Nanshan district, Shenzhen

Those fresh-baked cookies are hard to resist.

Free soda refills are still relatively rare in China.

The Chinese charactes read: sai bai wei (better-than hundred tastes).

A new SUBWAY Sandwich Shop has just opened in Grouper's neighborhood in the Nanshan district of Shenzhen. It is located on 2F of the Poly Cultural Centre mall directly behind the outrageously expensive Kempinski Hotel & offers free soda refills, which is still a relatively rare thing in China. The Grouper's favorite sandwich is the hot Italian meatball sub, but he sometimes gets a yen for the teriyaki chicken sub. He also finds the fresh-baked cookies by the cash register "irresistible."

"Abandon McDonald's; forsake KFC -- these establishments are a cardiologist's nightmare. Get thee to SUBWAY & EAT FRESH!" -- Thus Spake Grouper.

The Grouper on "The Road" (2009 film)

2010-02-01T16:00:00.000-08:00

"I've seen the future, baby/It is murder." -- Leonard Cohen

This 2009 film directed by John Hillcoat depicting a trek by a father & son through post-apocalyptic America, where the sun no longer shines, it’s cold, the trees are all dead or dying, & practically everybody left alive has resorted to cannibalism in order to survive actually has a lot going for it artistically. It was filmed in Pennsylvania, Louisiana, & Oregon (Mt. St. Helens) in winter, so it looks very realistic. Viggo Mortensen & Charlize Theron play their parts quite convincingly. The flashback where Charlize Theron gives up on life in this ruined world, takes off her warm clothes, & then walks off into the frigid night, abandoning her husband & child in order to die of exposure and/or be eaten by cannibals is pretty disturbing. The scene where Mortensen teaches his son how to shoot himself in the mouth & blow his brains out, i.e., the Kurt Cobain maneuver, if/when necessary to avoid being cannibalized, is pretty harrowing, too.

But what I really wanted to say is that The Road is one of most depressing films that I have ever seen. Perhaps this is because with the way things are going I can actually imagine the USA turning into a nightmare like this within, say, the next 10-20 years.

You think Obama, or anybody else in Washington, D.C., is really gonna turn things around? Keep on dreaming. The USA is still flushing billions down the toilet in Iraq every day. We are getting nowhere fast in Afghanistan, too. It would seem that all we are doing is helping to breed more & more suicide bombers, &, one day, one of these sexually-frustrated nihilists will probably smuggle a nuke, or at least a “dirty bomb,” into the USA & detonate it. Then there will be no end to the fiery revenge that the USA will unleash on the world, which will trigger ecological disaster, which we are probably headed for anyway.

I mean, the Sex Pistols’ “God Save the Queen" with its chorus of "There’s no future, no future, no future for you!” sounds like an old folk song at this point, doesn’t it? (Note: The soundtrack to The Road, however, was composed by Nick Cave & Warren Ellis, whose music for The Proposition (2005) was masterfully bleak.)

Anyway, if you are prone to depression, taking Prozac, having suicidal thoughts, etc., maybe you shouldn’t watch this film. The road these characters are on leads nowhere, & God help you if you waste the bullet you’ve been saving for yourself when the cannibals who used to be your neighbors in suburbia surround you with their unsheathed hunting knives.

Oolong Green Tea from Taiwan

2010-02-01T15:59:00.000-08:00

Enjoying an Oolong green tea from Taiwan, which has a delightfully sweet aftertaste, before going off to do the worky-worky.

Krazy Little Kraut Remix

2010-02-01T15:42:00.000-08:00

You have watched the original "Krazy Little Kraut" video, ja? Okay, gut. Now check out this remix -- it's brilliant.

Krazy Little Kraut

2010-01-31T05:30:00.000-08:00

Young Tomas, a language prodigy @ my school insisted that I watch this video with him in our iLab today. It gave me a good laugh, though I suspect that the kid's rage is staged. God help his parents if it's not!

Grouper's New Shades

2010-01-30T11:02:00.000-08:00

Grouper went shopping in Shekou this afternoon &, among other things, picked up a new pair of Ray-Bans (RB4082) for the grand sum of RMB 120 (US$ 17.50). Hope you dig the new style. The woman you see wearing Grouper's new shades & smoking a Baisha cigarette in bed is Hunan Amy, a good friend, frequent dining partner, Chinese teacher, & cultural informant to our Editor-in-Chief.

Valium Skies

2010-01-29T09:52:00.000-08:00

A lot of work & very little sleep this week, so just chillin' at home tonight with some benzos & The Verve's "Forth" (2008), what a great album. Close your eyes & rise into "Valium Skies," etc., ahhh...

Grouper vs. Shark

2010-01-28T23:49:00.000-08:00

I often feel that I am surrounded by sharks. Maybe you know the feeling. Nevertheless, a fish has to eat, & the Grouper has a big appetite. So, how do you deal with all these big-toothed bastards trying to deny you at feeding time? www.captainjon.com caught me in action, so take look & maybe you'll learn something! P.S. Have a nice day :-)

The BYD e6

2010-01-27T07:01:00.000-08:00

Give it up for the BYD e6, a 100% electric car with a range of 400 kms/250 miles. It is alleged to go from 0-60 mph in less than 8 seconds & have a top speed of 100 mph. Made in China, the e6 should be on sale in the USA later this year for around US$ 40,000. BYD Auto is based in Shenzhen.

Eek! It's DJ Grouper!

2010-01-26T09:29:00.000-08:00

DJ Grouper 01-26-2010

A local paparazzo ambushed DJ Grouper in Shekou night before last while he was mingling with Redbird, Blackbird, & other members of his fan club. Grouper has retracted his threat to send the photographer "to the ICU of Shekou People's Hospital" in exchange for this image, which he thinks is not too bad.

The Grouper on "Up in the Air"

2010-01-23T12:05:00.000-08:00

Wow, here is a film that really captures the Zeitgeist, I mean, this ubiquitous anxiety that you could lose everything you've spent your life working for tomorrow after a brief meeting with someone, maybe a supervisor, perhaps even an outsourced stranger who smiles at you & tells you that all you have to do in order to go from being a zero to being a hero is sign the severance package agreement, clear out your desk, & never come back, thank you very much. Yet Up in the Air (2009) handles this very heavy, very fearful trip with such a light &, indeed, philosophical touch. It’s full of good jokes!

The screenplay is incredibly well-written (I read it took years to polish), & George Clooney is fabulous as this incredibly suave, handsome, hyper-frequent-flier corporate downsizer & occasional “motivational” speaker, who is forced to become a mentor to a young female Ivy League grad out to optimize the world of corporate downsizing by firing people via teleconferences rather than by actual face-to-face meetings.

There’s more to it – a romantic subplot involving Clooney & Vera Farmiga, actually -- but I’ve said enough. Now, go see it.

P.S. I like the two songs (one by Graham Nash) that play while the final credits scroll a lot.

Bruxomaniac to Get His Smiley Face Back

2010-01-23T11:40:00.001-08:00

Among other things, the stress of living in Japan for 11 years turned the Grouper into a hopeless bruxomaniac. Bruxomania (a.k.a bruxism) means "compulsive grinding of the teeth while awake &/or asleep." It is caused by anxiety, heavy smoking, &/or over- consumption of stimulants. To warp a famous line from Hemingway, "Many in Tokyo must have it."

Severe bruxism can permanently fuck up your bite & make you look prematurely old. Not having a decent smile sucks. So, the Grouper spent two hours this afternoon at Shenzhen's HuaMei Dental clinic with a great dentist from Hong Kong. The condition of his teeth is actually not as bad as he had thought, & he hopes to have a brand new smile within a few months.

The Grouper on "A Dangerous Man"

2010-01-22T20:13:00.000-08:00

Sure, Steven Seagal is totally typecast, & the plot of most of his movies is essentially the same, but I love the wounded-warrior character he always plays. His “I-really-wish-you-wouldn’t-fuck-with-me” attitude towards scumbags before dispatching them (because they ask for & deserve it) is totally cool. And he’s as good at rescuing damsels in distress as 007, yet does so with more detachment, less lechery than Mr. Bond does. I thought that The Keeper (2009), which was set in Texas, was great. Watched it twice. No, make that three times. Last night, I got into A Dangerous Man (2009), which is set in the state of Washington.

Seagal gets out of prison after spending six years inside for a crime he didn’t commit. The state offers him $300,000 in compensation, but he tells the judge to shove the money up his ass – “I don’t want your money; I want my life back!”

As soon as Seagal is back on the streets, a huge bag of cash, a pretty, but unconscious young lady, & a heap of trouble get dumped in his lap. Fortunately, all those years he spent in USA Special Forces gave him the skills he needs to relentlessly eliminate a large gang of heavily armed Chinese smugglers plus the thoroughly bad cops in cahoots with them.

Well, that’s not entirely accurate. Seagal does require the assistance of heavily armed Russian gangsters. Vlad & friends are intimidating; however, they have a code of honor.

Seagal gets the girl here in the end. It would appear that he also gets the keys to Chateau Lake Louise in Alberta, Canada as well! Thus, the subtext of this particular Steven Seagal action thriller would seem to be that the USA is now so messed up that the only answer is to move to Canada.

"I'm gonna have a good time. Why shouldn't I?" -- Jim Morrison

2010-01-21T18:56:00.000-08:00

"The future's uncertain & the end is always near." -- Jim Morrison, Roadhouse Blues

DJ Grouper created pandemonium @ Shekou Sea World's C Bar last night when he played The Doors' Bright Midnight: Live in America album VERY LOUD. Track 10 (Roadhouse Blues live in Boston, 1970) was/is especially potent.

Shekou Sea World's C Bar

Baby-Making Day in South Korea

2010-01-20T10:47:00.000-08:00

Drunk South Korean civil servant stumbles around in public fountain

Today was "baby-making day" in South Korea, but most of the government workers who got off work "early" stopped at bars on their way home, got rapidly drunk & began shouting abusive language at each other, then finally arrived home exhausted, reeking of booze, & totally impotent.

Once a Deadhead, Always a Deadhead

2010-01-19T15:53:00.000-08:00

Have you had a "peak experience" yet today? No day is complete without one! So, if you haven't had a peak experience yet today, then self-appointed music therapist Dr. Grouper recommends that you proceed directly to this 02-17-1973 Grateful Dead concert soundboard & play the Here Comes Sunshine-->China Cat Sunflower-->I Know You Rider jam LOUD! It will make you forget all your nagging problems & insecurities for approx. 20 mins.

http://www.archive.org/details/gd1973-02-17.sbd.ashley-field.32875.sbeok.flac16

Hey Guys, Being Circumcised May Save Your Lives!

2010-01-18T10:51:00.000-08:00

Uganda's flag.

According to BBC World TV, human sacrifice has now become rampant in Uganda; however, if you are a circumcised male, you are probably safe from being dragged into the jungle, having your throat slit, & having your vital organs ripped out because the gods there apparently do not approve of circumcision. Please keep this in mind, guys, when making travel plans to Uganda.

P.S. The bird in the center of the Ugandan flag is not a chicken; it is a crested crane. The raised leg is supposed to symbolize that Uganda is not stationary but moving forward.

Big Ting on Chuang Ye Rd.

2010-01-16T01:19:00.001-08:00

Behold the large ding/ting replica fountain which stands on the north side of Chuang Ye Rd. where it meets Nanhai Ave. (across from China Telecom) here in Nanshan district. The ding was not only a vessel for food; it was also a symbol of power. The Chinese have been making these things since the Shang Dynasty (circa 1600-1046 B.C.E.).

Lunch @ Ajisen Ramen

2010-01-16T00:52:00.000-08:00

Pork w/ bamboo shoots ramen + Shenzhen Daily (Shenzhen's English language newspaper)

Facial tissues (provided without having to ask for them, which is nice)

Japanese-style dumplings (i.e., gyoza)

Ajisen Ramen, an international chain of Japanese ramen noodle shops founded in Kumamoto, Japan, is doing very well in China. According to Wikipedia, as of August 2009, it had 362 stores in China, 86 in Shanghai alone. The current president of Ajisen China Holdings is businesswoman Pan Wei. She is allegedly worth 6 billion RMB. The ramen & gyoza are totally authentic & delicious. This lunch + a can of Pepsi cost me RMB 50 (US$7.30). Menu is in English as well as Chinese. Service = excellent!

The Grouper Celebrates Two Years in China!

2010-01-15T04:32:00.000-08:00

March of the Volunteers, The People's Republic of China's national anthem

I arrived in China exactly two years ago today. Apart from the Internet censorship (e.g., Grouperism is blocked in China), I really enjoy living in this country "on the move." People here have (literally) given me back my eyesight, rescued my career from the toilet, & made me glad to be alive. Xiexie Zhongguo!

I must also thank my beloved sister Claire for her crucial support.

Love from Shenzhen,

The Grouper

What's the Grouper Reading?

2010-01-14T22:24:00.000-08:00

When it comes to books, The Grouper enjoys reading (auto)biographies above all else. Thus, it is no surprise that he is currently reading King Hui: The Man Who Owned All the Opium in Hong Kong by Jonathan Chamberlain (Blacksmith Books, Hong Kong, 2007), which he found in a nearby used bookstore for RMB 15 (US$2.20). Description from the back cover: Scandal and corruption, drugs and pirates, triads and flower boats; the Japanese occupation of Hong Kong and the Communist takeover of Canton. Peter Hui was there. He knew everybody and saw everything. This is the real story of Hong Kong, told with the rich flavours of the street. If Peter had been only a little bit different he could have been an important man. But this is a riches to rags to riches to rags story. As we follow Peter's life - his ups, his downs - we see in sharp focus what it was like to be a Chinese man in the British territory of Hong Kong through most of the years of the 20th century. And yet this book is not just one man's tale. It is the story of a time and place - colonial Hong Kong, Portuguese Macau and the South China hinterland - seen from the unique point of view of a man who was at home at all levels of society. This is the bizarre story of a man who really did, for a very short time, once own all the opium in Hong Kong. If Suzie Wong had been a real person, Peter Hui would have known her. "This is a true story but it reads like a novel. It is a cracking read." - David Tang

The Grouper on "Staten Island"

2010-01-12T05:24:00.000-08:00

Here’s a 2009 film that you may never have even heard about, never mind seen. French-produced Staten Island is a crime movie starring Ethan Hawke, Vincent D’Onofrio, & Seymour Cassel set, naturally, in Staten Island, which, we are comically reminded at the beginning, is part of New York City. A mob boss Parmie (D’Onofrio) gets robbed by a septic tank cleaner Sully (Hawke) because Sully needs $50,000 so his wife can conceive a child who will be smarter than him due to embryonic genetic engineering being pioneered at this Staten Island fertility clinic. Sully has a pal Jasper (Cassel), a deaf-mute deli employee who moonlights as a corpse chopper for Parmie. When Parmie’s men deliver Sully’s corpse for Jasper to dispose of, Jasper decides to take action. There’s more to the story than this, including "tree-sitting," but that’s all I should probably mention. The story is told in three parts, Rashomon-style, so we get to see it from each of the three main characters’ perspectives, which I find interesting. I want to recommend this quirky DVD to those of you who appreciate good storytelling and/or who would like to get a feeling for Staten Island life :-)

The Grouper on James Cameron's "Avatar"

2010-01-10T12:33:00.000-08:00

I just watched James Cameron's Avatar (2009), which I read has already become the second highest grossing film in history. Well, this psychedelic sci-fi adventure fantasy is, indeed, extraordinarily imaginative & stunning visually. I can see how people will compare watching it to watching Stars Wars back in 1977 (in fact, Roger Ebert already did). And I fully expect there to be sequels. However, Avatar didn’t really do much for me in terms of storytelling. I mean, I don’t need James Cameron to tell me that Americans are warpigs who have a history of destroying beautiful things they don’t understand just to make a buck. I know U.S. history. I am a news junkie. I have also watched Dances With Wolves several times. So, thematically, Avatar doesn’t serve to raise my consciousness. What it actually does is make me reach for Roland Emmerich’s 2012, where stupid, violent, greedhead America gets what it deserves! But your mileage may differ, so check it out. Avatar is clearly an important film from a technical & financial standpoint.

P.S. I watched Avatar a second time dubbed in Chinese with German subtitles. I guess I'm perverse, but it's actually better that way!

Bronze Sculpture on Chuang Ye Rd.

2010-01-10T12:25:00.000-08:00

Photo taken by The Grouper

This bronze sculpture of infants slumbering among seaweed while tropical fish swim by stands a block away from where I live on Chuang Ye Rd. in Shenzhen's Nanshan district. I just noticed it for the first time today. It reflects the character of this neighborhood in that it is close to the sea, & many couples who live here have started families, but I find the thought of babies sleeping in a fish tank somewhat disconcerting. Well, good art gets your mind going, doesn't it? I think this is good art, & so I photographed it.

Happy Year of the Tiger 2010 from Grouperism

2010-01-10T12:19:00.000-08:00

Chinese character for "tiger"

2010 is the Year of the Tiger according to the Chinese zodiac. The tiger's motto is: "I win." May you win in 2010 whether you were born in the Year of the Tiger or not. Happy New Year from Grouperism.

Translucent Goldfish

2009-12-30T18:27:00.000-08:00

Japanese scientists have succeeded in breeding translucent (see-through) goldfish. How wonderful. Now they need to get busy on breeding translucent politicians so that we can see if they have brains and/or how much bribe money they have shoved up their asses.

Just say no to smoking dried vulture brains

2009-12-29T11:54:00.000-08:00

Though I am basically a pro-drug person (in moderation, of course) because "drugs work," I must condemn this disgusting new craze from South Africa, where dried vulture brains mixed with dirt are smoked in order to "see" things such as winning lottery ticket numbers. Just say no to smoking dried vulture brains. Thank you.

Santa Grouper 2009

2009-12-29T11:42:00.000-08:00

200+ people showed up for my school's Xmas party on 12-23-09. For many, it was their first Xmas party ever. As you can see, I was asked to wear the Santa Claus costume. It was fun. I must've posed for 500+ photos.

It's Cliched to Be Cynical at Christmas

2009-12-10T20:32:00.000-08:00

Half Man Half Biscuit's "It's Cliched to Be Cynical at Christmas" is my favorite holiday tune this year.

In other news, I get to wear the Santa Claus costume at my school's Xmas party on Dec. 23.

Season s Greetings from Shenzhen.

Incense for the Eyes: New Art by Sanae Takahata

2009-12-04T02:24:00.000-08:00

State-of-the-Arts Gallery, 39 Pottinger Street, Hong Kong Central

Japanese painter & sculptor, Sanae Takahata has been painting portraits of people she has known for many years. She has developed her own original style of portraiture, which features dazzling use of color plus lots of foreground & background design & detail, which is often full of personal symbolism. The eyes of her subjects, who are usually female, are often larger than life & smack of Japanese manga (comic books). I have usually found myself reacting quickly to these paintings. To be honest, except for some of her most surreal &/or wildly colorful portraits, I have not been tempted to spend much time with them. Though I greatly admire the technical skill on display in her “Intimate Reflections” paintings, most of them just don’t hypnotize me the way I think great art should. I find them simply decorative.

Nevertheless, over the last ten years or so, Sanae – and I take the liberty of referring to her by her first name because that’s the way (like Vincent) she signs her work – has spent a vast amount of time & energy creating abstract, i.e., non-representational, oil paintings on canvas & cotton dresses, which blow my mind like no other painter has since Jackson Pollock. These curling, swirling outbursts of pulsating color have had a visceral impact on me & my nervous system. They mesmerize me & send my imagination into interstellar overdrive just like psilocybin mushrooms. I don’t think that it is hyperbolic to say that Sanae’s WEAR ME collection of painted dresses, which have been exhibited in Kyoto, Tokyo, & Hong Kong, are all psychedelic masterpieces. I do believe that Timothy Leary, were he still with us, would probably call it “neurological tranart,” which is an attempt to record pure, symbol-free energy, to move beyond language into direct experience & get high! Yet, as far as I know -- & I’ve known the artist personally for over thirteen years – Sanae has never even smoked a joint in her life. Wow.

Thus, it was with a sense of anticipation bordering on giddiness that I traveled from Shenzhen to Hong Kong to meet Sanae & her husband Ken on Dec. 1, 2009, the opening day of her exhibition of recent work at the very attractive State-of-the-Arts Gallery on Pottinger Street in Hong Kong Central. I had seen digital photographs of most of the art on display before I got to the gallery, but there is nothing like getting up close to the original works of a master & studying them from different angles. I wound up spending most of this sunny day at the gallery gawking at the art & chatting & drinking wine with Sanae & Ken.

The exhibition, which will last until the end of the month, features fifteen oil-on-canvas paintings & two WEAR ME painted cotton dresses. Eleven of the paintings are “Intimate Reflections” portraits done during 2008-2009. The other four are abstract “mindscapes” completed during 2008-2009. This is not a hallucination, so WEAR ME dress #23 was fashioned in 2008. WEAR ME dress #25 was finished in 2009.

Of the portraits, “Intimate Reflection #8” & “Intimate Reflection #20” turn me on. I like #8 because the little girl looks so damn much like vintage American film icon Shirley Temple with big pink bows in her luxurious golden ringlets of hair. #20 is impressive for the amazing realism of the young lady’s clothes & shoes, but, at the same time, she floats on a carpet of huge pink, violet, & yellow marigolds, which may mean something, but I’m not sure what.

The WEAR ME dresses are simply astounding for their three-dimensionality, exquisite blending of color, & richness of weird, organic design. #23 features some kind of treatment, which I forgot to ask about, which gives the dress the appearance that it could’ve been sculpted out of quartz somehow. It’s really very extraordinary & beyond words. This dress is displayed in the window of the gallery & will no doubt attract plenty of attention from people walking up & down the sloping cobblestones of Pottinger Street.

However, if I personally had the money to purchase any of Sanae’s art on display in Hong Kong now, I would buy one of the four abstract vortex mindscape paintings. They are like incense for the eyes. They make music in my mind. “Okinawa Dance” & “Sanctuary” are both very oriental & meditative in tone. The predominant colors in “Okinawa Dance” are scarlet, white, green, & cyan blue. “Sanctuary” evokes a heavenly lotus pond in moonlight with exquisite vapors of blue & white creeping in from Hokusai woodblock prints & sacred Tibetan art. This particular painting, which I jokingly suggested that Sanae call “Smoke Me,” is a precious jewel, & I hope that in future she will paint more like it.

Sanae Takahata + "Sanctuary" (2009), a masterpiece!

If what I have written here intrigues you, I encourage you to check out Sanae’s gorgeous website http://www.sanaetakahata.jp, which is a veritable eye-candy store & will give you a fine overview of this incredibly talented & imaginative artist’s career. If you can somehow stop by State-of-the-Arts Gallery in Hong Kong Central before Dec. 30, 2009, you should definitely do so. I’m so glad I did.

Link to the gallery's website: http://www.sotagallery.com.hk/ag2.1/

List of 100+ Films The Grouper Thinks Are Great

2009-10-03T10:31:00.000-07:00

All the films on this list stick with me for one reason or another & bear repeated viewing. I guess my taste is pretty heavy, pretty American, pretty male. Not many comedies or romances on this list. It is laden with epic historical/biographical dramas, science fiction, horror, action, & tales of self-destruction, which tells you something about me, I guess. I have consciously omitted documentary & made-for-TV films from this list, though I am a heavy consumer. Grist for a future list. Anyway, this list is arranged in chronological order of release, which, of course, is not necessarily the order in which I saw the films. Naturally, this list is subject to revision.

The Wizard of Oz (1939) directed by Victor Fleming
Late Spring (1949) directed by Yasujiro Ozu
Ikiru (1952) directed by Akira Kurosawa
A Night to Remember (1958) directed by Roy Ward Baker
Ben-Hur (1959) directed by William Wyler
Spartacus (1960) directed by Stanley Kubrick & Kirk Douglas
The World of Suzie Wong (1960) directed by Richard Quine
Lawrence of Arabia (1962) directed by David Lean
Doctor Zhivago (1965) directed by David Lean
Night of the Living Dead (1968) directed by George Romero
Planet of the Apes (1968) directed by Franklin J. Schaffner
2001: A Space Odyssey (1968) directed by Stanley Kubrick
A Man Called Horse (1970) directed by Elliot Silverstein
Waterloo (1970) directed by Sergei Bondarchuk
Dirty Harry (1971) directed by Don Siegel (I dig all the sequels, too)
Play Misty for Me (1971) directed by Clint Eastwood
Jeremiah Johnson (1972) directed by Sydney Pollack
Solaris (1972) directed by Andrei Tarkovsky
The Poseidon Adventure (1972) directed by Ronald Neame & Irwin Allen
High Plains Drifter (1973) directed by Clint Eastwood
Sleeper (1973) directed by Woody Allen
The Odessa File (1974) directed by Ronald Neame
The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (1974) directed by Tobe Hooper
The Towering Inferno (1974) directed by John Guillermin & Irwin Allen
Jaws (1975) directed by Steve Spielberg
The French Connection II (1975) directed by John Frankenheimer
All the President’s Men (1976) directed by Alan J. Paluka
Network (1976) directed by Sidney Lumet
Annie Hall (1977) directed by Woody Allen
Eraserhead (1977) directed by David Lynch
The Deep (1977) directed by Peter Yates
Apocalypse Now (1979) directed by Francis Ford Coppola
Altered States (1980) directed by Ken Russell
First Blood (aka Rambo) (1982) directed by Ted Kotcheff
Gandhi (1984) directed by Richard Attenborough
The Bounty (1984) directed by Roger Donaldson
Repo Man (1984) directed by Alex Cox
Under the Volcano (1984) directed by John Houston
Rambo (aka First Blood II) (1985) directed by George P. Cosmatos & Sylvester Stallone
Blue Velvet (1986) directed by David Lynch
Henry: Portrait of a Serial Killer (1986) directed by John McNaughton
Sid & Nancy (1986) directed Alex Cox
Barfly (1987) directed by Barbet Schroeder
The Last Emperor (1987) directed by Bernardo Bertolucci
Wall Street (1987) directed by Oliver Stone
Talk Radio (1988) directed by Oliver Stone
Dreams (1990) directed by Akira Kurosawa
Total Recall (1990) directed by Paul Verhoeven
The Doors (1991) directed by Oliver Stone
Little Buddha (1993) directed by Bernado Bertolucci
Schindler’s List (1993) directed by Stephen Spielberg
Ed Wood (1994) directed by Tim Burton
Braveheart (1995) directed by Mel Gibson
Leaving Las Vegas (1995) directed by Kevin Figgis
Waterworld (1995) directed by Kevin Reynolds & Kevin Costner
The People vs. Larry Flynt (1996) directed by Milos Forman
Trainspotting (1996) directed by Danny Boyle
Amistad (1997) directed by Stephen Spielberg
Boogie Nights (1997) directed by Paul Thomas Anderson
Chinese Box (1997) directed by Wayne Wang
Contact (1997) directed by Robert Zemeckis
Seven Years in Tibet (1997) directed by Jean-Jacques Annaud (though I was disappointed by
the way that the film diverged from Heinrich Harrer’s autobiographical account into fiction)
The Edge (1997) directed by Lee Tamahori
Fear & Loathing in Las Vegas (1998) directed by Terry Gilliam
Pecker (1998) directed by John Waters
American Beauty (1999) directed by Sam Mendes
Son of Sam (1999) directed by Spike Lee
Erin Brokovich (2000) directed by Steven Soderbergh
Gladiator (2000) directed by Ridley Scott
Pollock (2000) directed by Ed Harris
The Beach (2000) directed by Danny Boyle
The Perfect Storm (2000) directed by Wolfgang Petersen
As Far As My Feet Will Carry Me (2001) directed by Hardy Martins
Blow (2001) directed by Ted Demme
About Schmidt (2002) directed by Alexander Payne
Frida (2002) directed by Julie Taymor
Insomnia (2002) directed by Christopher Nolan
Spun (2002) directed by Jonas Akerlund
The Mothman Prophecies (2002) directed by Mark Pellington
The Pianist (2002) directed by Roman Polanski
Lost in Translation (2003) directed by Sofia Coppola
Master & Commander: The Far Side of the World (2003) directed by Peter Weir
Monster (2003) directed by Patty Jenkins
Hotel Rwanda (2004) directed by Terry George
The Assassination of Richard Nixon (2004) directed by Nils Mueller
The Aviator (2004) directed by Martin Scorsese
The Motorcycle Diaries (2004) directed by Walter Salles
The Last King of Scotland (2006) directed by Kevin Macdonald
The Painted Veil (2006) directed by John Curran
Alexander Revisited (2007) directed by Oliver Stone
Into the Wild (2007) directed by Sean Penn
Zodiac (2007) directed by David Fincher
The Reader (2008) directed by Stephen Daldry
The Wrestler (2008) directed by Darren Aronofsky
W. (2008) directed by Oliver Stone
In the Electric Mist (2009) directed by Bertrand Tavernier
The Soloist (2009) directed by Joe Wright
All of the James Bond 007 films from 1962-2008

10-03-09
Shenzhen, PRC

Grouper Has Moved!

2009-03-24T12:47:00.001-07:00

The Grouper 03-2009

On March 1, 2009, The Grouper left Hangzhou & took up new employment in the Nanshan district of Shenzhen. The move went extremely smoothly, & he has settled into a new , 13th-floor apartment at the corner of Houhai Blvd. & Chuang Ye Rd. close to Coastal City Mall. Grouper reports that "SHENZHEN HAS EVERYTHING" & that he is happier than he has been in years. When asked if he has interested in resuming work on GROUPERISM, he responded, "Not really because now I'm severely addicted to FACEBOOK."

JMC 12/30/27-05/27/08

2008-05-28T07:04:00.000-07:00

Grouper's father, John Matthew Crawford, passed away yesterday from natural causes in Gaithersburg, MD. He was 80 years old & had battled chronic progressive multiple sclerosis (MS) for about 15 years. May he find a good rebirth in a better world than this. He will be sadly missed. His ashes will be kept @ Potomac Presbyterian Church in Potomac, MD according to his wishes.

If you can keep your head about you when everyone else
is losing theirs & blaming it on you...
the world is yours, & what is more,
you'll be a man, my son!

--Rudyard Kipling, "If" (JMC's favorite poem)

The Grouper @ 49

2008-04-27T07:04:00.000-07:00

The Grouper @ 49

Big G turned 49 today. He celebrated his birthday by visiting Hangzhou's venerable Lingyin Buddhist Temple. He shot the video below of monks chanting inside the main hall around 4 p.m. with a Canon PowerShot A560 digital camera..

Richie Havens -- Freedom (live in New Orleans 1991)

2008-01-12T11:00:00.000-08:00

How do I feel about my imminent departure for China? Well, here is Richie Havens @ the New Orleans Jazz & Heritage Festival in May 1991 performing the song that I was singing in the shower this morning. It's called "Freedom.".

With a handshake,

VJ Groover

Night of the Living Dead No. 93

2008-01-11T16:01:00.000-08:00

Still foto from Night of the Living Dead directed by George Romero (1968)

Q: What do you say to a zombie?

A: It doesn't matter. Zombies only respond to blows to the head.

foto by Der Grouper

Grouper Leaves the Capital Jan. 13

2008-01-06T21:45:00.001-08:00

foto by Der Grouper

And you know in your brain
You know in your brain
You must LEAVE THE CAPITOL
EXIT THIS ROMAN SHELL

--Mark E. Smith, "Leave the Capitol"

Grouperism founder & editor-in-chief, The Grouper becomes a flying fish next Sunday, Jan. 13 when he leaves Washington Dulles International Airport & makes his way to Hangzhou, People's Republic of China, where he will be celebrating Chinese New Year, undergoing management training, etc. before taking up the position of DIRECTOR OF STUDIES, XXXXXXXXXXXXXX on March 1. He received his Z visa this past Friday & expects to arrive in Shanghai on the morning of Jan. 15. After spending the night of Jan. 15 in Shanghai, he will proceed by train to Hangzhou (Lat. 30'10" N, Long. 120'07" E).

First Dream of 2008

2008-01-01T09:03:00.001-08:00

An early 19th century illustration of Krakatoa

For centuries in Japan, people have believed that a person's first nocturnal dream of a new year is meaningful & that if a person dreams of Mt. Fuji, he/she will have very good luck.

Well, last night, I dreamt of Krakatoa...

As an amateur Japanologist & Freudian psychologist, I can offer four interpretations of my dream:

(A) I fell asleep with the History channel on again.

(B) In 2008, I may not have good luck in Japan, but my great human potential will explode elsewhere.

(C) Cue 2 Live Crew: "Oh, me so horny, oh, me so horny, oh, me so horny, me love you long time!"

(D) Interpretations A, B, & C above are all valid..

Personally, I lean towards intepretation D, but then I'm just a dreamer & what do I know?

HAPPY NEW YEAR 2008!

Grouperlicious

Fender Bender/Say Goodbye to 2007

2007-12-31T19:55:00.001-08:00

I was thinking about writing something long & ponderous about 2007. a truly unhappy & uncomfortable year for me in which dreams died & nightmares came true, but this afternoon a stupid woman in a GMC SUV carelessly hit my Mom's Benz C320 front left fender & bumper while the car was carefully parked in the local Safeway parking lot , & I was inside the supermarket buying bagels. Preliminary damage estimate = approx. US$1,400. Turns out that Claire knows the woman who hit Mom's car, & so the necessary repairs should be taken care of quickly without involving insurance companies, but the accident totally derailed my train of thought!

So, with less than an hour to go in 2007 EST, I have to keep my message short. What to say? Perhaps the message posted on the trash bins inside my local Burger King works best:

foto by Der Grouper

Waving goodbye to 2007; praying that 2008 is gonna be great --

Yours truly,

The Grouper

JMC turns 80 today

2007-12-30T19:49:00.000-08:00

We celebrated my father's 80th birthday today by having brunch @ Congressional Country Club.

This afternoon/early evening, Dad & I watched the Washington Redskins defeat arch rivals the Dallas Cowboys 27-6 on TV to gain a wild card spot in the NFL championship playoffs. The Skins' offense & defense squads both played like champs allowing the team to dominate the game throughout all four quarters. It was sweet!

Also in sports news, last night, the revitalized Washington Capitals under the direction of new & now permanent Head Coach Bruce Boudreau beat the NHL Eastern Conference leaders, the Ottawa Senators 8-6 in an extremely fast-paced, hard-hitting game. Capitals superstar, Alexander Ovechkin scored 4 goals & had 1 assist. As a result, "OV" is now the top goal scorer in the NHL!

The Capitals take on the Senators again @ Verizon Center in D.C. on New Year's Day.

Bush 43 sent Dad this birthday card.

Auf Wiederbloggen,

Grouper

Grouperism's Predictions for USA 2008 Presidential Election

2007-12-29T18:02:00.000-08:00

As Dad insists on watching MSNBC -- or BNN, the Bad News Network, as we privately refer to it -- from dawn until dusk 7 days a week, we have been unable to avoid the insane amount of fuss being made over the upcoming Iowa Democratic & Republican caucuses to be held on January 3, 2008.

For those who don't know, the Iowa caucuses have been the first major electoral event of the nominating process for President of the United States since 1972. It's weird that the nominating process for both parties should start in Iowa, a state with a lot more pigs than people, but that's the way it goes in America, land of the free soda refill & home of the Steve Wilkos Show.

Anyway, here are Grouperism's predictions for the 2008 Democrat & Republican nominees for President as well as for the November 2008 general election for President.

Although Democrat Senator Johnny Edwards' $600 haircut makes him the most handsome of all the male candidates for President, he will not win the Democratic nomination because his wife has cancer, which is contagious. He also supported the Iraq War & voted for the Patriot Act, which makes him suck.

The "bitch factor" will cost Hillary Clinton the Democratic nomination.

Barack Husein Obama will win the Democratic nomination, but lose the general election because of his name, the fact that America likes things to be black or white, not black AND white, & the fact that his ears are too big.

The above video shows why Republican Rudy Giuliani doesn't have a chance at gaining his party's nomination. While America may finally be ready for a female and/or an African- American President, it is not yet ready for a fruitcake.

Republican Fred Thompson will soon drop out of the race for his party's nomination for President "for health reasons." The real reason, of course, is that he has early onset senile dementia as shown by his inability to answer a single question coherently during his last interview with TV talk show host Charlie Rose.

Mike Huckabee will win the Iowa Republican caucus, but then it will be revealed that "Mike Huckabee" is a Borat-style hoax & in reality actor Kevin Spacey.

Mitt Romney will win the Republican nomination for President & then go on to win the general election by a slim margin because he is extremely rich, will promise to lower income taxes "like St. Ronald did," & "just looks Presidential." The fact that he has sired 5 boys & has no history of crossdressing like Rudy Giuliani does will help. His polygamous Mormon ancestors will turn out to be a plus rather than a minus because, deep in their hearts, most American men without erectile dysfunction know that monogamy gets boring & unnatural after about 5 years.

Steven Moore plays "Super Grouper"

2007-12-28T18:17:00.000-08:00

Steven Moore is a young, unsigned, 5-string banjo player from Ohio. In this video, he plays a Noam Pickelny tune called "Super Grouper." I'd like to dedicate it to myself, LOL.

BTW, in case you didn't notice, GROUPERISM has just entered its second year. I made my first post on 12/24/06, which was actually a cellphonecam self-portrait from 2005.

Bloggo ergo sum,

Grouper

KPC Poolesville's Stupa Peace Park on Xmas Day

2007-12-26T15:05:00.001-08:00

If you can find a trustworthy companion
With whom to walk, both virtuous & steadfast,
Then walk with him content & mindfully...
If you can find no trustworthy companion...
Then as a king who leaves a vanquished kingdom,
Walk like a tusker in the woods alone.
Better it is to walk alone:
There is no fellowship with fools.
Walk alone, harm none, & know no conflict;
Be like a tusker in the woods alone.

--The Buddha
quoted by Sherab Choedzin Kohn, The Awakened One:
A Life of the Buddha, Shambala: Boston & London, 1994. pg. 92

All fotos above shot by Der Grouper 12-25-07

It seems the more I go to Kunzang Palyul Choeling Nyingma Tibetan Buddhist Temple & Stupa Peace Park in Poolesville, the more I want to go there. I guess I can blame it on the fact that I easily get addicted to just about anything that feels good, but the fact remains that nobody bothers me there, nobody hates me there, nobody dismisses/disrespects my struggle to become who I am & be happy there. This place is, indeed, a place of rare beauty, tranquility, & refuge for a freak like me. I find the meditation room inside the temple & the Stupa Peace Park outside the temple both extremely conducive to deep self-reflection & mental trash removal/emotional dry cleaning, or something like that.

I have never met the lamo or spiritual director of KPC, Jetsuma Akhon Lamo, who happens to be an American woman reported to have serious Tibetan Buddhist mojo workin'. They say she is a tulku, a reincarnation of a great lama or boddhisattva wisdom teacher. The Dalai Lama is also a tulku. There is a lot of controversy surrounding this woman, however; she may actually be the incarnation of a man-eating nymphomaniac & New Age fraud more concerned with stray dogs than stray people, if what Wikipedia says about her is accurate. I can't & don't have to judge the woman, so I won't.

Anyway, it was chilly, but sunny yesterday. Flora & Kwame were both on duty taking care of Mom & Dad, respectively, so I was able to get away from The Hospice at 1 p.m. & spend two hours rambling through the Stupa Peace Park across River Road from the temple & taking fotos (shown above). I was by myself the whole time, so I could sing, chant "om mani padme hum," pray audibly, y'know, OUT LOUD, & go from feeling bad to good 'cause the birds don't mind; they're doing the same thing.

I burned some nag chompa incense at the big gold stupa in the middle of the park & prayed for everybody I could think of to not suffer & to be happy, including all my ex-girlfriends who won't talk to me no more.

MEMO TO MADAM KIMIKO: Have a GREAT TIME in Vietnam next month, my dear. May you eat all the beef noodle soup in Ho Chi Minh City & not get fat. I will always love you.

Some facts about the land:

The trails cover 65 acres of woodlands.
Wildlife is protected from hunting.
Stupas, prayer wheels, prayer flags, & quartz crystals are found throughout the property.
A large wooden hut with sun deck for open air meditation practice is under construction & should be completed soon.
The land was part of a parcel of land once owned by George Washington's brother.
The park is open 7 days a week from sunrise to sunset.
Admittance is free, but donations to the temple are always welcome.
For more information, visit KPC's website: http://www.tara.org

Auf Wiederbloggen,

Grouper

Christmas Eve on Treehaven St.

2007-12-24T18:09:00.000-08:00

Not that it matters, but this is what it looks like from my window in the night nurse's room upstairs @ The Hospice on Treehaven St. in Gaithersburg, Maryland tonight. Both patients ate well today, have been put to bed, & are resting quietly.

The Grouper
Xmas Eve 2007

Geek Squad -- To Serve & Install

2007-12-21T21:11:00.000-08:00

Two Geek Squad vehicles -- a moving van & a mini-van -- were parked in front of The Hospice on Treehaven St. all day yesterday, so I couldn't help but notice them & fotograph their logo. The Geek Squad's motto is: "To Serve & Install." This company installs home theater & computer systems & was installing a home theater in the house across the street.

I spoke with one Geek Squad member after dark as he was loading the moving van with empty boxes & preparing to call it a day. He told me that the Geek Squad had been incredibly busy in the Kentlands recently. "A lot of rich people live around here & they want home theater systems in before Christmas. The other day, I was working in a townhouse here, & they had a Porsche 911 AND a Lamborghini in the garage," he said.

We also talked about what great speakers Polk Audio makes.

Interestingly, this guy didn't look geeky at all. In fact, he was very clean-cut, fit, & handsome, & could've passed for a soap opera actor, I thought. I didn't try to fotograph him, however. As you all know by now, I much prefer to fotograph girls.

Eileen Lee wearing Grouper's new reading glasses. She is not a member of the Geek Squad (yet).

Eileen Lee reading the latest issue of Coping magazine 12-20-07

Auf Wiederbloggen,

The Night Nurse

Can't Hardly Wait 'til Xmas

2007-12-19T08:47:00.000-08:00

As Christmas is less than a week away, we thought it was about time that we wished every sentient being on the world-wide web a VERY MERRY CHRISTMAS 2007!

Although we here @ Grouperism are card-carrying Buddhists, we were raised as Presbyterians. Thus, we have many precious memories of Christmas & definitely want to make many more.

We believe that anybody who could walk on water, turn water into wine, give eyesight to the blind, heal the lame, raise the dead, & throw irresponsible sub-prime mortgage lenders out of the temple had to have been a heavyweight boddhisattva even if The Bible calls him something else. The Sermon on the Mount is still good reading & DO UNTO OTHERS AS YE WOULD HAVE THEM DO UNTO YOU still works for us.

It seems to us that the basic Jesus soundbite, i.e., GOD IS LOVE, also works when you read it backwards, i.e., LOVE IS GOD 'cause the copula is the same thing as an equal sign.

Of course, we know that Xmas stresses, depresses, & freaks many people out. Mostly, this seems to be a case of people not believing that ALL YOU REALLY NEED IS SOME FRIENDS & SOME LOVE. Certain drugs also work on a temporary basis, but we won't mention their names in front of the children.

So, c'mon people, get your heads on straight! If you're broke, stay away from shopping malls unless your local mall accepts imaginary money. Think about giving homemade gifts. In fact, this used to be the norm until big corporations took over the planet. If you're too skint to send out Xmas cards, then send out e-cards, which are free. If you can't afford to put up Xmas lights, bundle up, go take a walk around the neighborhood & look at others'. This is good exercise & may give you good ideas for your Xmas light displays next year when, hopefully, you'll have some money. You might also consider going to church on Xmas Eve or Xmas Day (or both) & singing some Xmas carols & saying hello to people. As far as we know, this is still free in most churches. Lastly, do not drink eggnog; it is poison!

We hope the above suggestions for kicking da Christmas blues are useful to those in need of help.

As for everybody else, LET'S PARTY!

As you can see above, Grouperism's poster gal, Eileen Lee is gritting her teeth 'cause she just can't wait 'til Xmas Day!

Wishing everyone on Planet Earth a joyful Christmas 2007,

The Grouperism Crew

Jose Feliciano performing Grouper's favorite Xmas song "Feliz Navidad" live

The Two Eileens @ Claire's House 12-16-07

2007-12-17T18:00:00.000-08:00

Claire asked me to babysit little Eileen yesterday afternoon while she & John were hosting open houses. I knew that my mother had the blues from being shut in the house all week, so I thought, "Why not bring Mom over with me to see Claire's beautiful Christmas tree & hang out with her granddaughter & namesake? It can only do her good. Little Eileen will entertain Mom, which will boost her spirits, & I can just lie on the couch, watch football on the humongous TV & pet Jake," & that's exactly what happened. We also ate pizza & lemon pound cake together. It was sweet, & I got the chance to snap these nice fotos (below) of the two Eileens together. Maybe these fotos won't mean much to you, but they mean a lot to me.

Auf Wiederbloggen,

Grouper

Viva Viagra

2007-12-13T17:10:00.000-08:00

Here's a commercial that I saw broadcast on MSNBC just a few minutes ago. One of the things that has come through LOUD & CLEAR since I returned to the USA two months ago is that ERECTILE DYSFUNCTION IS NOW RAMPANT IN THE USA. Gott in Himmel, how did this happen?

Turn on the tube. There are commercials for Viagra & other similiar meds designed to help aging boomers get it up & keep it up on every commercial TV network EVERY FIVE MINUTES.

When I left the USA eleven years ago, Budweiser & Pepsi commercials ruled, but now it's "Viva Viagra." Could this be why the USA keeps fucking around in Iraq, but is getting nowhere?

Strangely, I don't hear any of the presidential candidates, not one Democrat or Republican, talking about this problem, not even Hillary Clinton. Well, she never enjoyed heterosex anyway, did she?

P.S. If after using Viagra, you experience an erection lasting 4 or more hours, make the most of it.

P.P.S. Have you heard about the new female equivalent of Viagra? It's called Niagra.

Niagra Falls

JUST SAY KNOW YOUR DRUGS

Chipotle Mexican Grill

2007-12-12T16:52:00.001-08:00

foto by Der Grouper

Just so you don't think we're living on nothing but 5 Guys Burgers'n'Fries & Giuseppi's pizza, we wanted to let you know about Chipotle Mexican Grill, where we've been going about once a fortnight for steak tacos & tortilla chips with fresh homemade salsa (see foto above). Chipotle serves other kinds of tacos, e.g., pork & chicken, plus burritos, but we haven't tried 'em yet. The soft drink bar is self-service, so you can have as many refills as you need, which is good. The meal pictured above cost us slightly under $10, including tax, which we feel is a bit steep, but then again this is Montgomery County, Maryland, not Mexico City, which is the last place where we really enjoyed tasty tacos. Unfortunately, delicious tacos eluded us during our 11 years in Japan. Anyway, Chipotle Mexican Grill's tacos are light and tasty, so check out this American tacqueria chain next time you you need a taco fix & tell 'em Grouperism sent ya.

A Visit to Lake Forest Mall

2007-12-10T15:26:00.001-08:00

foto by Der Grouper

After last Wednesday's massacre of 8 people at a shopping mall in Omaha, Nebraska by a 19-year-old white male high school drop-out who had just been dumped by his "girlfriend" & fired from his job @ McDonald's & wanted to go out "in a blaze of glory," I was a little leery about going to Lake Forest Mall in Gaithersburg today to pick up my new reading glasses ($315, including Dr. Tsoy's examination & prescription fee). I mean, I know there are literally thousands of fucked-up wannabe copycat killers out there who probably have access to automatic weapons just like this Nebraska kid did.

By the way, I know this sick dead asshole's name, but refuse to mention it out of respect for his innocent victims, 6 of whom were mall employees, 2 of whom were holiday shoppers. In my mind, his name might as well be the same as that of the mass murderer who struck Virginia Tech this past April, which I forget. Oh, wait, now I remember: Sum Ting Wong.

Anyway, my fear & trepidation about entering Lake Forest Mall to go to Sterling Optical was assuaged when I spotted this security guard (pictured above) on his two-wheeled electric personal rapid transit device, which my sister Claire tells me is called a "people mover." I'd never seen such a contraption before, but quickly realized how useful it would be in case of an assault on the mall by a suicide bomber or heavily armed lunatic (foreign or domestic).

The Iranian security guard, who asked to remain anonymous, allowed me to fotograph him after radioing his supervisor & telling him that I was a journalist writing for an on-line publication called "Grouperism."

I asked what the people mover's top speed was, but was told that this information was classified. I then asked what the speed limit inside the mall was. The guard responded, "Well, we are supposed to go slow & not hit people." He also told me that the vehicle cost around $5,000, but I have not yet been able to confirm this.

Later, I wandered into Waldenbooks to look for material on learning conversational Chinese because, well, I'll make a formal announcement about it soon, perhaps in video format. Anyway, I was thrilled to find a copy of Making Out in Chinese (Revised Edition.) by Ray Daniels, Tuttle Publishing 2003. It is patterned after the extremely useful & popular Making Out in Japanese & More Making Out in Japanese phrasebooks, which, over the years, I have recommended to hundreds of people interested in learning Japanese.

Now please excuse me while I go memorize Cbapter 7 -- "Lover's Language"

Snow, Mass Murder, TV, & Air Bag Theft

2007-12-05T19:02:00.000-08:00

Winter is not officially here yet; nevertheless, we have received 4 inches of snow so far in Gaithersburg today, & it is still snowing. The above fotos show the accumulation on Treehaven St. at 1:15 p.m. EST today.

While it may be cold outside, it's 83 degrees F here inside the Hospice, where we are sitting around in our underwear, which seems to be on backwards, & watching breaking news on MSNBC & CNN about a suicidal maniac with an AK-47 assault rifle who has apparently committed mass murder & then killed himself at a shopping mall in Omaha, Nebraska.

TV is confusing. It shows us 24 hours a day in excruciating detail why it's dangerous to go outside & do anything anymore, but then there are multiple commercials every 7.5 minutes which strongly encourage & entice us to go out & buy things, particularly new medications, all of which seem to have horrible side effects, such as extreme nausea, constipation, internal bleeding, kidney failure, erectile dysfunction, & congestive heart failure. Will our health insurance cover the cost of all the medications to control the side effects of all these other medications? Maybe we should stop eating so that we can pay for all our medications...

In addition, we are dealing with the vandalism of Flora's car in the parking lot of her apartment complex two nights ago. The driver's side window was smashed & the car's airbags were stolen. The car will not start & must be towed away. Grouper taped sheets of plastic over the smashed window last night, so we hope that the car has been spared further damage from today's snowfall. Flora is on her way home early tonight to find out.

Montgomery County Police report that automobile airbag theft has become common in this area.

The National Insurance Crime Bureau has just published a brief, but informative paper on the problem entitled "Airbag Theft & Fraud: Deflating a Growing Crime Trend." In case you're interested, here's a link: https://www.nicb.org/cps/rde/xbcr/nicb/Airbag.pdf

Blind Lemon Grouper's Eye Surgery Postponed Indefinitely

2007-12-05T17:05:00.000-08:00

This is not The Grouper. This is Louis Braille.

Cataract surgery on one/both of Blind Lemon Grouper's eyes has been postponed indefinitely due to lack of funding. Although being on call 7 nights a week (plus several days a week now) at the Crawford Convalescent Home (aka The Hospice) on Treehaven St. in Gaithersburg is pretty much a full-time job, Big G is living on table scraps & the floor. His owners, however, have bought him a new flea collar. Jake will be jealous.

It's hard to explain, really, without throwing away our Heart-Shaped Diamond of Compassion, getting nasty & repeating slogans like "Eat the Rich," "Save Fuel, Burn the Elderly," or "Join the Hemlock Society," & without generally feeling like Jim Morrison must've when he wrote the Oedipal section of "The End." The pre-existing condition exclusion clause of a certain health insurance policy hasn't helped either. Not one bit.

As a result, the few remaining coins in our Editor's tin cup -- he is counting them right now, being careful not to drop any into the dark abyss which surrounds him -- must be spent on getting his teaching career back on track, which, as he "sees" it, means crawling on his hands & knees to a foreign country, hopefully a kinder, gentler nation where all books, newspapers, magazines, etc. are published using XXL FONTS, immediately, if not sooner.

Meanwhile, Big G is having stronger reading glasses made & studying braille. Though now would be an ideal time to have cataract surgery were it affordable, it is by no means absolutely necessary now & can wait.

No further comment/updates on this topic will be forthcoming because it really is narcissistic & boring, isn't it? We know that we should have never brought it up in the first place.

Grouper say, "Everything was different before it all changed. So forget about it. Out of sight, out of mind. Out of mind, out to lunch. Gone fishing without a pole. You can't step in the same river twice, but if you try, you'll defintely get your shoes wet."

Cue "See Me, Feel Me" from Tommy by The Who. Grouper loathes this song, which is precisely the point.

"Monkey see, monkey do. Monkey don't see, monkey don't do nothing. Then we kill & eat monkey, heh heh heh." -- faux African proverb

FAKE IT 'TIL YOU MAKE IT.

Dementia sucks, isn't it?

Digital Self-Portrait 12-02-07

2007-12-02T16:09:00.000-08:00

Foto of Der Grouper by Der Grouper

Dave Chappelle -- On Drugs & Sex with Monkeys, Etc.

2007-12-01T17:18:00.000-08:00

I am currently very into Dave Chappelle & his TV show called Chappelle's Show. Nobody makes me laugh harder. Here's a free taste of Chappelle's primo stand-up comic shit.

VJG

Nick Drake - Pink Moon

2007-11-24T09:53:00.000-08:00

"I don't like it at home, but I can't bear it anywhere else." -- Nick Drake

I discovered Nick Drake's delicate, haunting, autumnal music back in 1983 when I was a broken-hearted 24-year-old, & it still plays in my head 24 years later. It is timeless.

"Pink Moon" popped into my head last night when I went out for a walk through The Kentlands past Inspiration Lake & Lake Nirvana. The Moon wasn't pink, but it was certainly bright & full. I could clearly see the maria (basaltic lava plains), which appear darker than the terrae (highlands) on the near side of the Moon, & I wasn't toting binoculars or a telescope. That kind of thing will get you arrested around here, I fear.

Anyway, Nick Drake (1948-1974) only made three albums, but they are all masterpieces. But you knew that, didn't you?

VJ Groover

Thanksgiving Day in Maryland Report

2007-11-23T08:22:00.000-08:00

Dear Friends,

I celebrated Thanksgiving Day for the first time in 11 years yesterday, & it was good.

After drinking strong coffee. Skyping with "Blogndog" in Doha, Qatar, & chatting with Mom & Dad & Kwame & Flora about the pre-Christmas "doorbuster" bargain sales which are taking place today (known as "Black Friday" because this is the day on which retailers hope to go into the black (i.e., make a profit) for the year), I went out for a long drive in the country in the Benz C320. My plan was to stop by the Kungzang Palyul Choeling (Tibetan Buddhist temple) on River Road in Poolesville to do zazen (sitting meditation) for half an hour in the wonderful meditation room there before heading over to Boyds for a traditional Thanksgiving turkey dinner.

I recently discovered that the quickest & most scenic way to get from The Kentlands in Gaithersburg to the temple was to take Darnestown Road (aka Rt. 28) to Dawsonville & turn left on Sugar Land Road. Sugar Land Road is mostly one-lane blacktop, which winds past large horse farms & country estates, & terminates at River Road. Kunzang Palyul Choeling is then about a mile from this intersection.

The temperature yesterday morning hit about 72 degrees F, so I opened all the windows as well as the sun roof of the Benz. It felt terrific.

A few miles along Sugar Land Road, I came to a sharp right turn & noticed that in the stubblefield to my right hundreds of black crows were having a meeting of some kind. When I stopped the car to get a good look at the scene, the crows got spooked & immediately took flight. As they left the ground, they swirled around me overhead & made a great noise. Unfortunately, this happened too fast & unexpectedly for me to fotograph it.

My joyride was feeling so good that I decided to follow River Road to its terminus in the forest on the banks of the Potomac River @ Edwards Ferry before visiting the temple. I'd never been here before, & after reading the Maryland Historical Society's interesting sign about events that took place here during the U.S. Civil War, I decided to park the car & take fotos of the area (shown below), which includes remnants of an old C&O Canal lock & the lockkeeper's house. I learned that Edwards Ferry first began operating in 1793. Maryland farmers used it to bring their produce/goods across the Potomac to market in Leesburg, Virginia. As you can see from my foto below, the Potomac is calm & narrow here & a natural location for a ferry.

After visiting Edwards Ferry, I doubled back on River Road to the Kunzang Palyul Choeling to meditate. I have a lot to say about this place, but will save it for a later post. However, I suppose I should mention here, for those of you who don't know, that I am a Buddhist. I took refuge in the three jewels (i.e. became a Buddhist) twent-two years ago in 1985 @ The Temple of the Emerald Buddha in Bangkok. I renewed my vows in Pali, the actual language of the Buddha Shakyamuni, in Bangkok during Songkran 2002. Since I returned to the USA last month, I have found that going to the Tibetan Buddhist temple in Poolesville to meditate has helped me to stay calm(er) & deal more compassionately with my brain-damaged & incontinent mother & my depressed, obsessive-compulsive, & always argumentative paraplegic father..

While I was inside the temple, the weather outside changed radically as WTOP radio said it would. A cold front blew in hard & fast from Virginia. I had left the sun roof of the Benz open, so when I got back in the car, the seats were wet & covered with brown & orange oak leaves.

I drove back to Darnestown Road & then Boyds via Sugar Land Road fast as the wind was gusting powerfully & dark clouds above threatened to rain. By the time I got to Claire & John's house on Cornflower Road, the temperature had dropped about 30 degrees F.

The table in the dining room looked lovely with candles & napkins color-coordinated with the brown & orange autumn leaf brocade tablecloth (see foto below), & Chef Claire Crawford-Lee's Thanksgiving Dinner @ 4 p.m. EST was perfectly delicious; hence, I had a hard time understanding why my darling niece, Eileen "Rockstar" Lee refused to eat anything! The turkey breast was so moist that annointing it with gravy was unnecessary, though I did so anyway. The stuffing, which is probably my favorite part of the traditional Thanksgiving menu, was irresistable (moistened with olive oil instead of butter), & I consumed two abundant portions of it. The mashed turnips (aka rutabagas) with brown sugar were scrumptious, also -- just like Mom used to make. I ate so much that I had no room in my gut for pumpkin pie and/or chocolate cake, but I took a piece of each home with me for a midnight snack. They are gone now, & I am craving more.

Thank you, thank you, dear Chef Claire for giving me one of the best Thanksgiving dinners ever.

At 6 p.m., Claire & I drove to The Kentlands to deliver turkey dinners to Mom & Dad, who are both shut-ins.

My Thanksgiving Day 2007 ended with me waiting for a phone call from China that never came. That's okay. No problem. I strongly suspect that the caller realized that yesterday was Thanksgiving Day in the USA &, therefore, decided that it wouldn't be the best day for a long-distance job interview. I am confident that he will call me soon & perhaps change my life in a major way.

Finally, The Washington Capitals fired Head Coach Hanlon yesterday morning! He will be replaced by Bruce Boudreau, coach of the AHL Hershey Bears, the Capitals' farm team. Before he became a coach, he was an NHL player, a forward for the Toronto Maple Leafs & the Chicago Blackhawks. He will be behind the Capitals' bench in Philadelphia this afternoon when the Caps face-off against the Flyers @ 1 p.m. C'mon, guys, win one for the new coach!

Go-go Caps! -- Eileen "Rockstar" Lee

Auf Wiederbloggen,

The Grouper
Gaithersburg, Maryland
Black Friday 2007

Where Will Grouper Have Thanksgiving Dinner?

2007-11-22T08:10:00.000-08:00

This is where The Grouper will be celebrating Thanksgiving today -- his sister's house in Boyds, Maryland. The Crawford & Lee Team's HQ is in the basement. Full report with fotos of the turkey dinner should be posted tomorrow or the day after.

HAPPY THANKSGIVING USA & CANADA from Grouperism

Washington Capitals Now Worst Team in NHL

2007-11-21T18:09:00.000-08:00

The Washington Capitals are losing their 9th game out of their last 10 at the Verizon Center in D.C. as we type. They have sunk to the very bottom of the NHL's Eastern Conference in 15th place. In fact, on the basis of points, the Caps are now the worst team in the NHL with only 13. The Caps finished 27th out of 30 teams the past two seasons. Instead of improving this season, they have gotten worse. As long-time fans it hurts us to say this, but the Washington Capitals SUCK!

Is there any remedy for this utterly lousy hockey team short of firing the coach & 95% of the players? Maybe not.

THE SPORTS DEPT.

Groupervision: Ocular Update

2007-11-21T15:09:00.000-08:00

Heidelberg Retinal Tomography Image

After performing glaucoma tests (including retinal tomography) today, Dr. Tsoy, M.D. announced that The Grouper had no evidence of active glaucoma, which means that no treatment for glaucoma is indicated at this time, & that Grouper may, in fact, not have glaucoma at all. Cataract surgery on Grouper's left eye is now scheduled for December 5. Scheduling of surgery on Big G's right eye is contingent upon how recovery from surgery on the left eye goes. Even though Grouper has cataracts on both eyes, surgery is performed on only one eye at a time in order to minimize risk of total blindness should there be serious complications. This is standard procedure.

Thanksgiving Turkey or turkey?

2007-11-20T16:03:00.000-08:00

It has come to our attention that some readers outside the USA may be concerned that, given the Bush 43 Administration's ongoing bellicosity, America will be eating Turkey this coming Thursday (i.e., Thanksgiving Day) because it is an Islamic country bordering on Iraq. We would like to assure you that although Americans are, indeed, omnivorous gluttons & perhaps the fattest people on the planet, they have not yet succumbed in large numbers to cannibalism (though some might argue that the Democratic Party has). The fact is that America will be eating turkey, the bird, on Thursday. Turkey & turkey are simply homonyms & not the same thing. Please see the fotos below.

Turkey (the country)

turkey (the bird)

So, relax, folks, & if you can't get your hands on a turkey on Thursday, we recommend that you eat Giuseppi's pizza (see post below).

When all else fails, eat pizza

2007-11-18T12:01:00.000-08:00

Giuseppi's NY-style pizza. Foto by Der Grouper

Things could be worse for me than they are now, I suppose. If I didn't have my M.A. in TESOL, my 15 years of teaching experience, &, most importantly, my envelope-stuffing skills, I could be an unemployed ex-NOVA mob member living on cheap vodka & despair in Chiba, Japan. Check the latest post by an ex-NOVA teacher/blogger called "Alienasian" His black humor reeks of truth.

Well, when all else fails, eat pizza. I'm going out to nearby Giuseppi's Pizza Plus for 2 slices with Italian sausage & a root beer ($5). The Washington Redskins face arch rivals The Dallas Cowboys @ 4:15 p.m. EST on FOX.

P.S. The Cowboys won 28-23, even though Redskins QB Jason Campbell passed the ball for 348 yards.

The Editor

Skipwith Lane Revisited

2007-11-17T16:43:00.001-08:00

The leaves have never looked so good
As now they're going to die.

Robyn Hitchcock, "Autumn is Your Last Chance"

Went out by myself for a drive in the Benz C320 this afternoon in order to look at the autumn leaves, which are at their peak in terms of color right now. Decided to go into Potomac Falls Estates in Potomac, Maryland to have a look at the house on Skipwith Lane, where I lived on & off with my family from mid-1977 to mid-1980. The house really wasn't that big, but it sat on almost 3 acres of land, most of which was in back of the house. It was a lot of work keeping the lawn, etc. looking good, but it kept me in good physical shape. Dad put in a kidney-shaped swimming pool in the backyard, which I remember fondly.

John Glenn, the famous American astronaut & U.S. Senator, lived in the neighborhood. I used to frequently see him jog past the house early in the morning.

Mostly due to the fact that I never went to school in Potomac, I never made a friend there & I oftened wandered alone through the forest at the end of Skipwith Lane, which continues all the way to the historic C&O Canal & the Great Falls of the Potomac; however, I did have two dogs: Morgan, a black standard poodle, & Murdoch, a black Scottish terrier. I loved those dogs a lot.

While I was shooting the third foto below, a woman, whom I presume lived in the house across the street, shouted at me in a nasal voice, "Are they putting the house up for sale?" She apparently thought I might be a real estate agent. When I told her that I was just a guy who had lived in the house with the mansard roof 30 years ago & wanted to see what it looked like now, she immediately turned on her heels & walked away, totally uninterested in making conversation with me.

Well, Potomac is famous for its snobs.

Auf Wiederbloggen,

Grouper

The Bunker Revisited

2007-11-16T01:00:00.000-08:00

I was feeling very down, very blue last Saturday, so I went walkabout in D.C. for about six hours & covered A LOT of ground. I carried my new Canon Power Shot A560 with me & took a bunch of crap fotos because the sky was overcast & the light was bad. Here are some shots of the State House apartment building @ 2122 Massachusetts Ave., NW. I lived in a cheap, roach-infested studio apartment in this building on the basement level above the parking garage from 1980-85. My friends & I referred to it affectionately as "The Bunker." Out the back door of the State House was/is The Brickskeller, a 50-year-old bar famous for its huge, international selection of beers, its delicious buffalo burgers & buffalo stew. It used to have a fantastic jukebox, too, but I don't know if it does anymore (I didn't go inside). Across 22nd St. from The Bunker & The Brickskeller was/is The Church of the Pilgrims. I used to spend a lot of time staring out my one window at this church.

Auf Wiederbloggen,

Grouper

Meet Jake

2007-11-15T07:38:00.000-08:00

Jake in the kitchen. Foto by Der Grouper

There's an old saying in Washington, D.C., "If you want a friend, get a dog." Although Jake is not my dog -- he's Claire's -- he is my friend. He seemed to sense immediately upon our first meeting last month that I adore intelligent canines (such as himself) & value their companionship. Jake is a Shetland Sheepdog, not a miniature Collie. (They are different breeds.) Here's a little of what Wikipedia has to say about Shetland Sheepdogs.

The Shetland Sheepdog is an outstanding companion dog and is intensely loyal. It is lively, intelligent, trainable, and willing to please and obey. Shelties are loving, loyal, and affectionate with their family, but are naturally aloof with strangers and might not appreciate being petted by someone they do not know; for this reason Shelties must be socialized extensively. Some can be quite reserved and some have varying degrees of shyness. Although they are excellent family pets, Shelties do especially well with children if they are raised with them from an early age; however, their small size makes it easy for a child to accidentally injure them, so supervision is necessary. Exercise caution when considering an adult Sheltie for a family with young children, they may not be compatible.

I must note that Jake is especially protective of little Eileen, but has no problem with strangers, including children, petting him.

Grouper Asked to Rejoin the Crawford & Lee Team

2007-11-14T10:19:00.001-08:00

foto by Eileen Lee

On Monday, Claire apologized for picking a fight with me last week & asked me to rejoin the Crawford & Lee Team, which I have done. I'm back in the mailing room today with renewed spirit & energy. Business continues to boom for the Crawford & Lee Team, even though most other realtors in the area are finding selling homes "like farming in the desert."

Yesterday, little Eileen graduated from diapers. She herself decided it was time. She also graduated to the big people's swings in the park @ King's Overlook here in Boyds. She climbed up into the seat & swung herself for 20 minutes while Jake barked & I watched. Ah, the joy of self-propulsion. I claim credit for teaching her how to swing by herself. Should look good on my resume.

foto by Der Grouper

Auf Wiederbloggen,

Grouper

Veterans Day (Observed)

2007-11-12T08:34:00.001-08:00

Yesterday was Veterans Day in the USA, but it is being observed by the Federal Government, all 50 state governments, & some businesses here today. Grouperism urges the Bush 43 administration to stop the war in Iraq NOW, stop preparing for war against Iran, & take better care of America's war veterans. Too many have mental health problems. Too many are homeless. Too many are committing suicide. CBS News reports that more veterans of the wars in Afghanistan & Iraq killed themselves in 2005 than the total number of U.S. troops killed in Iraq since 2003! Grouperism salutes all American military personnel on duty throughout the world today. It is not their fault that their Commander- in-Chief is a chimp. We hope that some of their bravery rubs off on us.

An Open Letter from The Grouper

2007-11-11T13:12:00.000-08:00

Dear Friends,

Greetings from the land of the free soda refill & the home of the Jerry Springer Show . How does it feel to be back? Well, I'm not gonna beat around the bush. It's a horrible nightmare. This is mainly due to my bankruptcy & the fact that my parents are in such bad shape. Both of them are suffering from serious mental as well as physical problems. Neither Dad nor Mom can do anything for him/herself anymore, including going to the toilet. Furthermore, there is no hope of recovery for either of them & every expectation of further deterioration. Dad has Kwame from Ghana looking after him from 9 a.m. to 9 p.m. every day of the week. Mom has Flora from Tanzania looking after her from 8 a.m. to 8 p.m. every day of the week. For the time being, I have become "the night nurse." Suffice it to say that I don't get much sleep.

I was working during the day M-F for my sister babysitting, stuffing envelopes, answering phones, & learning to do other things, but she doesn't handle stress well, gets verbally abusive, & picked a fight with me for no reason last week. Rather than punch her in the face, which she deserved, I just gathered up my stuff & quit. Though she will undoubtedly deny it in order to save face, I think she is simply not ready to train or have a full-time assistant right now -- not me, not anybody. I thought we had a win-win situation worked out, but her lack of self-control has turned it into a lose-lose bummer.

Oh well, the truth is that I have no desire whatsoever to remain here for long. Living in the American suburbs may be great if you've got a fat salary, are married, & have kids & a house & a dog & an SUV, etc., but I don't have any of those things, & to me, it's just slow death. It's boring & lonely & cold as Antarctica out here. It just makes me feel suicidal. And this is not a new feeling. I've felt this way about suburbia since I was a teenager in Bergen County, New Jersey. Bergen County, New Jersey, Montgomercy County, Maryland -- what's the difference? To me, it's all just Antarctica with roads & shopping malls & trees . Actually, I have nothing against the trees. I love the trees, but the fact that people swim across the Rio Grande to get here seems to be nothing more than a testament to human desperation & perversity.

So my plan as of today is to seek & find a teaching contract (hopefully decent) in China or Taiwan ASAP. China is booming economically while Japan is all fucked up. Furthermore, I love Chinese food & Chinese women. I'm pretty convinced that it will be a great adventure & career move for 1-2 years. But I gotta get some temporary employment during the day immediately or nothing's gonna happen (except me hanging myself) because my job as night nurse here doesn't pay cash, just free use of the guest bedroom upstairs, use of the bathrooms & the kitchen, & use of Mom's Mercedes-Benz C320. I gotta buy my own food & everything/anything else. (Note: This is not a complaint -- nobody owes me anything here -- just a reporting of the facts.) When Dad is not in his room, I can use the computer here; otherwise, I can't because my typing bothers him. I asked him the other day if I might move the machine to another room because he is physically incapable of using it at all now, but, as expected, he shouted, 'NO! NEVER! NOT OVER MY DEAD BODY!!!"

Thanks, Dad.

Actually, I'd better wrap this up quick because he will probably be back in here as soon as he finishes eating dinner. If it's Monday, Wednesday, Friday, or Sunday night, it's a cheeseburger & fries from McDonalds; if it's Tuesday, Thursday, or Saturday night, it must be fried chicken from Popeye's -- no variation of this routine or any other is permitted by order of the Chief & his rule is absolute. Mom has no vote, even if she could remember what she liked to eat or when she last ate, poor woman.

139 Treehaven, The Kentlands, Gaithersburg, MD.
I must leave the window in the room where I am staying open 24/7 in order to not die from the heat.

View of the main downstairs room. Note the 20 ft. high cathedral ceiling. In order to keep this (& Dad's suite adjacent left) @ 78 degrees F (as required by the Chief), the temperature in the two upstairs bedrooms regularly gets up to 85 degrees F.

The stairs w/ escalator chair for Mom.

This is the guest bedroom where I sleep when I can.

The bed which I dismantle in order to sleep.

Mom's Mercedes-Benz C320: a beautiful machine.

Finally, I'd like to remind anyone who feels that it's wrong to air your dirty laundry in public that dirty laundry is all I got. You can't write about what you don't know, & misery loves company. The truth is my armor, so fuck you. Of course, you are free to leave a nasty comment.

Auf Wiederbloggen,

The Grouper

Groupervision: Ocular Update

2007-11-07T08:32:00.000-08:00

Above is an example of vision severely compromised by glaucoma courtesy of Wikipedia

Our Founder & Editor-in-Chief, The Grouper saw Edward Tsoy, M.D., eye physician & surgeon, on Monday for a thorough eye examination. Grouper's vision, which used to be better than average, has now deteriorated to 20/60. (Vision of 20/200 is legally blind in the USA.) Dr. Tsoy re-confirmed that Grouper has cataracts on both eyes & said that he was "amazed" that Grouper can still see as well as he does given the degree of cataracts that he has developed. Surgery is definitely indicated; however, Dr. Tsoy's schedule may not permit him to operate on Grouper's eyes before January 2008. Dr. Tsoy suspects that Grouper may also suffer from glaucoma, but more tests are necessary before a firm diagnosis can be made. Glaucoma is an incurable cause of blindness, but it can be treated for a long time successfully, if detected early.

The Yellow House on Thurgood St.

2007-11-04T10:43:00.000-08:00

foto by Der Grouper

This is the yellow house on Thurgood St. in the Kentlands (Gaithersburg, MD) close to my parents' house, which is on Treehaven St. The Kentlands is full of pretty colonial-style houses, but this one, 135 Thurgood, is currently my favorite. This house is worth well over $1 million.

NHL Game Last Night: Philadelphia Flyers 3 - Washington Capitals 2

2007-11-03T13:13:00.000-07:00

The Verizon Center in Chinatown, Washington, DC, home of the Washington Capitals (NHL) & Washington Wizards (NBA)

The Jumbotron inside the Verizon Center
fotos by Der Grouper

I come from a family of ice hockey nuts, & I'm a big fan myself. Blame it on Dad. He was born in Montreal, Canada & played hockey on the frozen St. Lawrence River as a kid. Ever since the family moved to Maryland in 1977, we have supported the Washington Capitals.

Unfortunately, they have never won a Stanley Cup in the past 30 years. In fact, they have rarely made it into the play-offs. They have broken our hearts a million times it seems, but we still love The Caps & hope/pray that they will have a good, maybe even a great season this year. They have an NHL superstar on the team now by the name of Alex Ovechkin. He's a Russian & wears number 8. He's a left winger (offensive player).

My brother Rob has 4 season tickets for Caps home games at the Verizon Center in Washington, D.C.'s Chinatown. They are excellent seats in Section 102 about 15 rows up from the glass near the left corner of the visiting team's zone during 1st & 3rd periods & cost $95 each. The Caps' owner's box is nearby. As Kristine (Rob's wife; my sister-in-law) couldn't attend last night's game against the Philadelphia Flyers, Rob offered me his extra ticket, which I gladly accepted. I drove into D.C. by myself (I have the keys to Mom's Mercedes-Benz C320 as her driving days are over), parked the car in a lot @ 7th & I Sts. ($15 for the event) & met Rob & his kids Stephanie & Alex @ the G St. "Will Call" entrance of the Verizon Center @ 6:30 p.m. (games start @ 7 p.m. sharp). Rob, Stephanie, & Alex all wore Caps jerseys. I don't have one (yet).

The Caps had a lot of energy & looked sharp during the first period. The outshot the Flyers 14-6, & the period ended with the Caps ahead 1-0. The Flyers were hitting our guys with a lot of cheap shots, but they fought back & had to be restrained from fighting several times before a fistfight finally broke out which the refs couldn't contain. The Caps player drew blood before he was knocked down. It looked like the Flyers player might have sustained a broken nose. The fans loved it. Of course, we did, too.

Unfortunately, the Caps were totally flat during the 2nd period & took several minor penalties. The Flyers went ahead 2-1. What happened in between periods??? In the final minute of the 2nd period, the Caps received a double minor penalty, & so had to start the 3rd period short-handed for over 3 minutes.

The Flyers scored another power-play goal at the beginning of the 3rd period to go ahead 3-1. With 4 minutes left in the game, Ovechkin (whose mother sat in our row several seats away from us) scored on a wicked slapshot (his 9th goal of the season). The Caps pulled Olie "the goalie" Kolzig (no. 37) off the ice with a minute and a half to go to gain a man advantage on offense, but the Flyers fended off their attack, & so the Caps lost 3-2. Same old Caps. Their record for the season is now 5 wins, 8 losses. Only Atlanta has a worse record in the Eastern Conference, Southeast Division.

During the 3rd period, our faces were flashed briefly on the Jumbotron while the arena DJ played "Get Down Tonight" by K.C. & the Sunshine Band. We were movin' & groovin'. My beard looked very white.

This was the second Caps game that I have attended in the past two weeks. Two weeks ago, I watched the Caps lose to the Vancouver Canucks at the Verizon Center 3-2

The Puckhead in
THE SPORTS DEPT.

Meet Eileen Lee

2007-11-01T15:56:00.000-07:00

Ladies & gentlemen, boys & girls, meet Grouper's niece, Eileen Lee. Isn't she a beauty? She turned 3 years old on Oct. 8. She lives in Boyds, Maryland with her parents John Lee & Claire Crawford-Lee (Grouper's sister) & her half-brother, Christopher. Her parents are successful realtors. Her brother is a great skater & ice hockey player. Eileen has a handsome Shetland sheepdog named Jake.

Eileen's favorite food is lemon pound cake. Her favorite drink is apple juice. She likes puzzles, cartoons, & throwing her toys all over the floor. She doesn't like picking up her toys. She goes to pre-school on Mondays, Wednesdays, & Fridays.

The first thing Eileen said to Grouper when she met him for the first time last month was, "Uncle Mark, let's talk about JAPANDA." Grouper was instantly charmed. He wished that he'd thought of the word JAPANDA! Isn't that just the way the cuteness-obsessed Japanese would like their country to be regarded internationally? Out of the mouths of babes come pearls of wisdom. The only problem is that pandas are Chinese...

You will undoubtedly be seeing more/hearing more about little Eileen (named after Grouper's mother) in the future here @ Grouperism.

Grouper (aka Uncle Mark) is babysitting Eileen tonight.

Stop barking, Jake!

Eileen wearing her brother's Halloween costume
fotos by Der Grouper

5 Guys Burgers & Fries

2007-11-01T14:08:00.000-07:00

Foto by Der Grouper

Had lunch today @ 5 Guys Burgers & Fries near my parents' house in The Kentlands (planned community) in Gaithersburg, Maryland. 5 Guys is an American chain of take-out/eat here self-service restaurants. The menu is very basic: hamburgers, cheese- burgers, hot dogs, & french fries. That's it. No matter whether you order to eat here or to go, you get your food in a brown paper bag. Tear the bag open; it's your plate. When you're finished eating, crumple up the bag, throw it in the trash & away you go.

The burgers are cooked to order (fried on a flat iron, diner-style) & wrapped in foil. You get your choice of toppings (e.g., lettuce, tomato, pickles, onion). The fries are cooked in peanut oil & come in a styrofoam cup. They're very tasty & portions are generous (some might say HUGE), but I make sure to say NO SALT when I order them because 5 Guys fries are routinely oversalted. Bad idea.

A cheeseburger, order of fries, & a small drink comes to $9.41, including tax. You have a choice of 8 different soft drinks, including Coke, Diet Coke, Fanta Orange, MinuteMaid Lemonade, Barq's Root Beer, Mr. Pibb, Hi-C Fruit Punch, & a lemon-lime soda (tastes just like Sprite, but it's not Sprite; sorry, I wasn't taking notes). Drink refills are free (self-service).

5 Guys' burgers are nowhere near as delicious as Kua'Aina's (Grouperism's Best Burger in Tokyo 2007 Award winner), but, on the other hand, they're much meatier than McDonalds' or even Burger King's. So on a scale of 1-5, with 1 being Kua'Aina (the best) & with 5 being McDonalds (the worst), I'd give 5 Guys a 3-3.5. 5 Guys Burgers & Fries falls in the middle pricewise, too.

The Food Critic

Happy Halloween from Grouperism

2007-10-31T09:30:00.001-07:00

Grouper & electric Jack o' Lantern on the steps of his parents home in Gaithersburg, MD
Halloween 2007

NOVA declares bankruptcy, thousands of ESL teachers out of work

2007-10-29T16:58:00.000-07:00

Check this article (below) from the Christian Science Monitor on the collapse last week of the NOVA English language school chain (& largest employer of non-Japanese in Japan), whom we hold largely responsible, along with copycat competitors (e.g., the Aeon, Berlitz, ECC, GABA, & Geos chains), for wrecking the English teaching industry in Japan. We are glad to see NOVA go, but send our condolences to the thousands of Nova "teachers" (let's face it, most of these people are just native speakers of English with no background in teaching, never mind language teaching) who have just lost their jobs & will find little or no new work in Japan any time soon because it just ain't there anymore even for M.A. in TESOL holders with 10+ years of experience teaching in Japan! The lives of the NOVA mob are being shredded & all of NOVA's naive customers are being ripped-off, too. Grouperism would like to suggest that NOVA's top management be rounded up, flogged, spat on, crucified with nails, & then set on fire, & that this be broadcast live on NHK, CNN, & BBC World TV. We would also like to suggest that the management of NIC International College in Tokyo (which is really not a college) be crucified upside down before being turned into human torches as a "warm-up" act. Yeah, it's personal. Now here's the article:

Tokyo - Twenty years ago, native English speakers in Japan used to joke that they could make $100 an hour as an ESL teacher because they speak "a" language.

These days, teachers feel as if the joke is on them. Some 4,000 foreign teachers are without jobs and are owed $4,000 in back pay after Japan's largest school chain, Nova Corp., closed its 900 schools last week, declared bankruptcy, and failed to pay refunds to its 400,000 students.

The collapse of Nova might not just be Japan's largest consumer story this year. Foreign embassies, Qantas Airlines, and local unions and media are rallying behind students and teachers, who Sunday night set up a "Nova Relief Fund" to help hundreds evicted on short notice from apartments supplied by Nova. "We just need to think about the 1,300 Australians who are suddenly finding themselves out on the street there in Japan," said Australian Foreign Minister Alexander Downer.

Nova's demise is also illuminating Japan's worsening reputation for its dealings with thousands of skilled Western workers who, despite speaking Japanese and raising Japanese children, are denied voting rights, tenure at universities, promotions, and contracts beyond one-year agreements with few benefits.

An Industry Ministry survey in 2002 listed 15,800 foreign teachers and about 1 million students at private language schools such as Nova. Thousands more teach privately via networking sites such as findateacher.com, and at most public schools, with 3,800 in Tokyo alone.

"We're being treated like cheap migrant labor down in the southern United States," says Paul Baca, a young Canadian. One of thousands of "perma-temps," he has been going from job to job over the past decade. "About 99 percent of us have university degrees.... [W]e're not treated like skilled workers in other countries."

Ryan Hills quit his $18-an-hour insurance job in Indiana to fly to Tokyo in June in hopes of earning ¥260,000 (about $2,300) a month at Nova. "My flight landed, and the next day I heard about Nova on the news," says Mr. Hills. "I wanted to study Japanese language and culture but I've been too busy battling landlords and management at work."

He and his roommates from England and New Zealand were evicted after Nova didn't pay rent already deducted from their salaries. With only ¥9,000 left, he's hoping to receive an emergency loan offered by the US Embassy. "Ramen noodles are not that filling after a few days. The last job I applied for had 900 applicants. But I don't want to leave Japan. I cut off everything at home, for nothing."

Fotos from Grouper's Farewell Party @ BCJ 10-07-07

2007-10-22T15:35:00.000-07:00

Rev. B. Thomson with his son Christopher (aka Ringo) + Erika Saito (Takashi's wife)

Mrs. Sachiko Thomson & son Christopher (aka Ringo)

Madam Kimiko Saito with her sister Hisako Murai

The infamous Dr. Chisel with Madam Kimiko

Kazuyuki Takeda (the computer wizard) with Takashi Saito (Kimiko's brother)

Dr. Chisel with Takashi

Grouper & Dr. Chisel drinking Mouton-Cadet red, Grouper's favorite wine

Grouper (smoking) & Dr. Chisel (drinking)

Thank you to the Rev. B. Thomson for the above fotos, all of which he shot (except for the first one, which was shot by The Grouper).

The Grouper arrived safely in the USA (Maryland) on Oct. 9 & has been busy since he hit the ground dealing with his sick parents, his new job with the Crawford & Lee real estate sales & marketing team, & his worsening eyesight, which makes driving difficult & dangerous. He will see an opthamologist about eye surgery on Nov. 5. Big G promises to publish an open letter describing his current situation/predicament ASAP, so please visit Grouperism again soon.

FISH STILL CAN SWIM YET!

15 Fotos from Japan (Grouperism Archives)

2007-10-08T07:30:00.000-07:00

fotos by F-stop von Augenblick

Oni wa soto; fuku wa uchi!
(Demons be gone; good fortune come in!)

Yesterday's farewell party @ Baron's Castle was the best. Cheers & thank you to everyone who stopped by. Double & triple thank you to those who brought gifts. I hit the sky tomorrow afternoon JST. The gods willing, my next transmission will be from 39'14" N, 77'23" W.

Dance me to the end of love. -- Leonard Cohen

Auf Wiederbloggen,

The Grouper

The Byrds -- "We'll Meet Again"

2007-10-06T09:00:00.000-07:00

"We'll Meet Again" is an old song from 1939 that The Byrds recorded on their 1965 album "Mr. Tambourine Man." The video here doesn't match the audio, but that's okay. I post this song because it has been playing in my head as I get ready to leave Japan. I dedicate it to everyone here who has been good to me, but especially to Madam Kimiko Saito & the Saito family, Dr. Chisel, & the Rev. B. Thomson.

VJ Groover

Kua'Aina Sandwiches Shibuya Wins 2007 Best Burger in Tokyo Award

2007-10-04T15:30:00.000-07:00

foto by F-stop von Augenblick

The Grouper had to go into Shibuya this afternoon in order to buy some virgin cardboard boxes in which to pack up the library & CD collection. He leaves Japan next Tuesday. It was lunch time, so before picking up the danboru no hako (cardboard boxes) @ Office Depot, he visited his favorite Tokyo eatery nearby -- Kua'Aina Hawaiian Sandwiches for da kine ono grinds, brah. Uh, the 1/3 pound burger was big, juicy, & totemo oishii (very delicious) as always. Gotta love those popcorn shrimp with tartar sauce, too.

1/3 lb. cheeseburger set incl. shoestring fries & large Diet Coke + side order popcorn shrimp + Y1,890.

Don't know where Madam Kimiko had lunch today -- she's cutting patterns, doing fittings @ Gabou -- but she will probably be shittobukai (jealous) of The Grouper when she finds out that he had lunch here.

Grouperism gives its 2007 BEST BURGER IN TOKYO AWARD to Kua'Aina Shibuya (please note: all the other Kua'Aina burger/sandwich shops in the Kanto area are equally scrumptious; we know 'cause we tried 'em all!).

Link to Kua'Aina's cool website: http://www.kua-aina.com/

Musashi Kosugi Skyline (Kawasaki)

2007-10-03T08:18:00.000-07:00

It used to be that the Ito Yokado/7 & i Holdings building on right w/ rooftop tennis courts was one of the tallest structures in Musashi Kosugi. Well, as these shots of the Kosugi Skyline taken this evening by Fritz von Augenblcik show, this ain't true no more. The building going up to the left of Ito Yokada/7 & i Holdings is a condominium block.

This condo tower on the opposite side of Musashi Kosugi stn. reaches up approx. 57 stories. It is almost finished.

A 39-story baby brother condo block rises to its left (both towers seen here through roof of Musashi Kosugi stn.).

Three more high-rise buildings have sprung up less than a kilometer away from all this construction. And there's more. But no green spaces at all are being added as far as we can see, which is a shame. Cat Stevens once wrote a song about a place like this. It was called "Where Do the Children Play?"

The "Sayonara, Japan" Interview w/ The Grouper

2007-10-02T17:10:00.000-07:00

The Grouper in his Japanese lair, Baron's Castle, Kawasaki

Rumors have started to fly that the founder & Editor-in-Chief of Grouperism has decided to leave Japan permanently & will be returning to the USA very shortly. We sent Fritz Crackers (aka Fritz von Augenblick) over to Baron’s Castle in Kawasaki to find out what’s going on with Grouper. Here’s a transcript of Fritz’s interview with Big G, October 2, 2007:

Fritz Crackers: Hello, Grouper.

The Grouper: Hey, Fritz. Have a seat. Make yourself comfortable. Care for a carbonated beverage? Some Coca-Cola Zero, perhaps?

Fritz Crackers: That would be great.

The Grouper: So what do you want to talk about?

Fritz Crackers: It is being said that you have decided to leave Japan permanently & return to the USA very shortly. Is this true?

The Grouper: Yes, I'm afraid it is. I’ve resigned from all my jobs & have bought my air ticket. I leave Tokyo Narita on Oct. 9 @ 15:30 JST via Delta 056 to Atlanta. I am scheduled to arrive in Atlanta @ 15:10 EST. In Atlanta, I will transfer to Delta 1108 to Washington Dulles, departing @ 17:10 & arriving @ Dulles @ 16:59 EST. Kimiko will accompany me to Nartia airport & see me off. My sister Claire will pick me up @ Dulles. I may even run into my brother Rob @ Dulles as he is arriving there on another flight at about the same time. That will be exciting as I haven’t seen either of them face-to-face in almost five years.

Fritz Crackers: Exactly how long have you been living in Japan?

The Grouper: Well, I’ve been living in Japan since late January 1997, so that makes it a little over ten years & eight months.

Fritz Crackers: So why do you choose to leave Japan & return to the USA now? Don’t you like it here anymore?

The Grouper: Oh, I still like looking at Tokyo at night. The neon forest still lights up my brain. And all the pretty women in the streets still drive me insane with lust. And I still love Madam Kimiko very much. But I can’t afford to live here anymore. I’m bankrupt & my career as a teacher is in ruins. Over the past three years, I’ve tried everything imaginable to get back to the level of income I enjoyed here from 1999-2004, but it’s impossible without a f/t job. I’ve been searching for a new f/t teaching position here for three years now without success. The portfolio of p/t temporary contract jobs approach doesn’t work financially, & it gives me a tremendous amount of stress. I’m always scared shitless about losing one small-fry gig & freaking out with uncertainty about finding the next small-fry gig ad infinitum. Furthermore, I’ve got no health insurance & no savings. I have equity in precisely nothing of value, & I’m 48. Kimiko has been lending me an amazing amount of financial & emotional support, but we’re not married, & we don’t have children. She needs a break from me – she’s got her own life to live -- & I need to get out of here & see what I can do with my life somewhere else.

Fritz Crackers: Well, what about teaching somewhere else in Asia? It’s well-known that you love Thailand…

The Grouper: I’ve done a lot of research about teaching in Thailand & teaching in China. I’m very qualified to teach in both countries; however, I have concluded that one must be ready to invest & probably lose money on those deals. I’m in no position to do that. I’d sure love to go back to Koh Samui on vacation, though.

Fritz Crackers: Me, too.

The Grouper: Maryland’s the place for me to be right now for a couple of very strong reasons. Number one, my family is in crisis. My dad, who’s 80, is totally paralyzed due to chronic progressive multiple sclerosis (MS). He can’t do anything at all for himself anymore & requires round-the-clock assistance & monitoring. My mother, who’s 77, now has moderate Alzheimer’s disease, a broken pelvis, & may have cancer of the kidney. She’s in the hospital at the moment while my dad is at home with a nurse who spends 12 hours a day at the house. My sister Claire, who has two children & runs her own real estate business with her husband John, has been devoting a lot of time & energy to helping Mom & Dad. Simultaneously, her business is booming. She & John have offered me a f/t job working for them as an admin. asst. & I can stay in a spare room at my parents’ house for a while. So I’ll work with Claire & John during the day & begin learning about real estate marketing & sales == a potentially much more lucrative field than education -- & then I can look after Dad at night. In addition, my brother Rob, who is a successful C.P.A. & a partner @ Deloitte & Touche lives about an hour away from my parents & sister across the Potomac river in Lessburg, Virginia. I look forward to hanging out with him & his family, though I hope we won't kill each other arguing about politics. You see, Rob's a dittohead (fan of radio commentator Rush Limbaugh) & a staunch Bush 43 supporter..

Anyway, I was looking into the real estate business before I came to Japan almost eleven years ago. I had taken a real estate principles & practices course in D.C. & was getting ready to sit for the D.C. real estate agent's licensing exam when the opportunity popped up for me to move to Kawasaki.

Fritz Crackers: Really?

The Grouper: Yeah, this is true. Y’know, I got into TESOL as a result of my first visit to Japan way back in 1985. I went to University of Hawaii in Honolulu in 1989 because I wanted to get an M.A. in TESOL so that I could ultimately move to Japan, make good money teaching English & find an excellent girlfriend. Well, I’ve subsequently done all of those things – gotten the M.A. from U.H., moved to Japan & made good money & found the excellent girlfriend. But this trip has now arched its way down to a point where even the excellent girlfriend can’t save it from being a losing proposition & a hungry, anxious, questionable life. I don't want to become any more insane than I already am, so I really feel that NOW is the time to sing a new song, play a new game. I'm dying for a chance to win for a change, & my family needs me.

Fritz Crackers: But what about Kimiko?.

The Grouper: Kimiko understands & supports what I’m doing. She has, in fact, been encouraging me to give up the fight here & go take care of my parents for a long time. She’s a strong believer in filial piety. She keeps her parents’ graves clean & decorated with fresh flowers. It's her primary religious practice. I’m sure that she’ll come to the USA & visit me as soon as I get settled in my own place, but..

You see, she is approaching retirement age, & her Japanese national health insurance is not transferable to the USA. She also owns property here, which requires oversight. She was born & raised in this neighborhood & has lived here her entire life. She has two brothers & a sister & nieces & nephews here with whom she is very close. Her parents rest nearby in the cemetery of a Shingon temple.She can't just leave here at this point to go some place where she doesn't know anybody. There's no job for her in the USA. She has a driver’s license, but she’s just “a paper driver.” She would be like a fish out of water living in suburban Maryland. It would be horribly boring & lonely for her there, & she would hate it. We’ve always known this. Believe me, it shatters my heart into a million tiny pieces, but she stays here, & I go there, & that’s the way it must be.

Do you have any other questions?

Fritz Crackers: Yes, what will happen to Grouperism? Are you going to stop the blog or continue it?

The Grouper: I definitely want to continue it. As I said to you the last time we spoke, “Bloggo ergo sum.” (English translation: I blog; therefore, I am.)

Fritz Crackers: You're kidding, of course.

The Grouper: Well, I am, & I'm not. I've always thought that documenting my life was a meaningful actuvity -- if for no one else but me. I doubt that anyone can do it better than me. I mean, who has more or better access to my brain, my mind, my life than me?

Fritz Crackers: I don't know. Who would want it?

The Grouper: Exactly, nobody!

I*ve been a letter writer & a journal keeper since I was 12, I guess. I've always loved reading history & famous people's personal writing (letters, diaries, journals). I have enjoyed photography & fooling around with tape recorders forever, too. I was Editor-in Chief of my high school newspaper, The Highland Fling, for about two years. I took some journalism classes at George Washington University as an undergraduate & wrote about music, books, & cultural events for The GWU newspaper, The Hatchet for a while, too. I didn't get paid to do these things; I did them because I liked the intellectual challenge. Writing is thinking. Writing is a process of discovery I think writing can make you smarter, but am not prepared to offer myself up as an example of this.

Fritz Crackers: Do you have literary aspirations?

The Grouper: I used to have heavy literary aspirations before all the liquor & drugs took their toll. Now I don't give a shit, ho ho ho. But, seriously, blogging's a natural hobby for me, & the price is right. Blogger costs nothing to use. In case you don't know, it's FREE..

Of course, the contents of Grouperism will change as my environment, etc. changes, but I imagine that the overall pseudo- journalistic approach will continue. I’ve got access to computers & the Internet already lined up in the States. I should be rockin' on the blog again by Halloween/Day of the Dead, I think.

I hope that you, dear Fritz, will not succumb to pachinko addiction & become a full-time pachinkoist. Get a real digital camera for God's sake & stick it out as a fotographer! Keep sending in delicious digifotos for us to show the world. I just wish that we could pay you for them.

Fritz Crackers: Cash would be nice. My girlfriend's sick of supporting me, too.

The Grouper: You & I have a lot in common, don’t we?

Fritz Crackers: We’re exactly the same age.

The Grouper: We're both left-handed.

Fritz Crackers: We both love music.

The Grouper: We're both flat broke.

Fritz Crackers: We're both drinking Coca-Cola Zero.

The Grouper: We're both real losers. In fact, we’re the same person, aren’t we?

Fritz Crackers: Wait a minute. Are you saying that I’m not real? Are you saying that I’m just a figment of your imagination?

The Grouper: You’re a real figment, Fritz. Let’s leave it at that. Now turn off the ape recorder. Sayonara, Japan. It has been great to know ya.

P.S. I'll be back.

Kimiko Saito on the phone @ Baron's Castle

Link to Claire & John's website: http://www.crawfordandlee.com/